Guilty Like You
by Mistress Slytherin
Summary: When L is captured, Light begins to realize that there are very real ramifications in being Kira. As Light has second thoughts everything spirals out of his control. Will anyone be able to stop Kira?
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, a few notes before we get started. Um, well I planned for this story to actually be a short little one-fic yet somehow it became so big that I thought I might have to split it into two books. Instead I decided to just mark the two parts. Some of you are here because I mentioned this book when I updated my Harry Potter Elite series so welcome! If you are then you've been reading my stuff for a while so you kind of have a better grasp on my writing style so I hope you can enjoy it despite my inevitable mistakes. **

**And let me make a point of noting that no matter how many times I seem to edit my story or beta it or what ever, there will be mistakes that I missed, I try my best so please don't be obsessive and rude about grammatical mistakes because I will ignore you at this point. Just enjoy the story okay? Don't bum me out with 'I hate this' or 'This story is stupid' if you have some actual criticisms that pertain to character development or plot line development then I will listen. If you hate this story, keep it simple, 'I didn't like it' and then move on to another story without being rude to me.  
**

**As always I enjoy those reviewers who keep me on my toes and ask questions so feel free to send me a PM or write a question in a review, I will get back to you when and if I can. Try not to ask me what is going to happen next? I won't tell you because I don't want to give it away:)**

**Ah Yes, this story is complete and sitting in my archive so no need to worry about waiting for me to finish it, I will update when I update my other story which is usually once or twice a week if I can.**

**Love you all!**

**Mistress Slytherin**

**WARNINGS:**

**HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS**

**NOT FOR THE EYES OF THE YOUNG**

**VIOLENT SITUATIONS**

**BLOODSHED **

**AU**

**MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS**

**DOMESTIC ABUSE**

**Let me know if I missed anything?**

**PART 1**

Chapter 1

_Setting the Stage_

"What are you saying Watari?" Light's voice was dangerous cutting through the exclamations of the team. Watari looked at the young man before him with a solemn gaze and no small amount of fear. Seeing that look, the darkness lurking in Yagami's eyes- suddenly he could see how it was L suspected Light.

"Light-" The boy's father even looked hesitant, unsure of the intensity roiling off of Light. More than once they'd thought of how he could never be Kira, he was too kind, to bright and shining- but they could see now that the light _was_ black and glowing in an entirely menacing way.

"L has been abducted." Watari said dutifully. "And he has left you to take his place as L Yagami-kun." He said with a tilt of his head.

The others started up with their exclamations again, trading theories and generally acting human- all except Light and his father. The two men had dark looks on their faces, foreboding cold looks that found each other and settled in a cold charge of silent willpower. Watari watched them briefly his own worry pushed away by the look they shared. Light nodded briefly at his father and turned suddenly and abruptly on his heel causing a sudden and swift silence.

"Mogi I need you to look at CCTV feeds from the last hour we need an exact time ratio-"

And he was off. Watari felt his breath catch at how quickly Light managed to have the team in hand. Whoever had taken L had better beware- Yagami was coming for them.

But the question was, was it Yagami or Kira that wanted L back so badly?

Watari resolved to watch Light-kun much closer.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

L woke slowly his head pounding and his eyes flinching from the bright fluorescent light.

"Sensei-" A woman's voice caught his attention and he looked down in horror at his chest which was cut open and hooked our baring his innards. Everything was garbled and horrified and he couldn't _think_. He was restrained and in absolute agony and-

A horribly familiar laugh filled his war chilling him to his core.

"_B_" He breathed. "You're dead." He rasped his mind shifting and sluggish.

"Wrong!" Red eyes came to view though L was sure he couldn't move his head. His heart was pounding in terror.

"Kira killed you!" L protested. Oh god was this hell? Was he in hell?!

"Yessss, but I came back, I'm not normally normal you know." He sing-songed. L gasped as the woman doctor cut into him continuing her work without a care. The pain was becoming unbearable. The tugging slice before the abrupt agony of skin falling apart at the scalpels prodding. B let out a hiss his eyes narrowing as he gripped L's hair and focused his dizzy attention on him.

"I want him. I want Kira, he is the only one who will understand and I know that you know where he is L. So tell me, tell me where my god is or I'll let my friend here twist you until you lose what makes you human." L's eyes widened. Shit…shit, shit, shit, shit! He knew Yagami Light would be trouble-

"ARGAAAAHH!"

-but to be fair he hadn't accounted for B being alive still. How had he survived Kira's kill? Was there a way to stop it? A way to save people from Kira?

Another scream ripped through his throat and the pain was unimaginable. He'd been tortured before, but this was different. His own body was becoming the enemy-

He twisted his head as another shout was ripped from him.

Whatever happened, he couldn't let B and Kira anywhere near eachother.

Light was _his_, Kira would be _his_ and he would rather die than let B get his sticky fingers on Light-

"ARGAAAAHH!"

#$% #$% #$% #$%

"Light-kun it's been a week." Chief Yagami said to his son in exasperation. "You haven't slept at all have you?" He demanded. "Nor have you eaten- Light this can wait-" Light's gaze flickered up at his father his hands hesitating over the keys on the keyboard for a brief moment and the team watched as their Chief flinched back from his son's gaze. There was something there, something between them that had changed and they could tell. The chief spun on his heel and stormed out of the room muttering furiously to himself.

He was right to be worried though, the rest of them had all gone home, stopped to eat at least, but not Light, his stamina was nearly inhuman. An entire week with absolutely no sleep and hardly anything outside of coffee and a single take out container that his father had all but forced him to consume- even then Light had continued to work shoving food into his mouth with none of the grace he usually displayed.

Matsuda glanced at Mogi whose jaw had become stiff.

The investigation on Kira had ground to a halt, the killings were still happening and they were doing nothing about it because Light was more focused on retrieving L. Light was blind to the world out side of finding L and Light and L were perhaps the only people that _could_ find Kira.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

"Light-kun you need to look at this." Mogi said softly breaking the silence. Light was out of his chair and across the room in a flash. He stared at the screen for a long moment his gaze critical and discerning.

"You think this company has kidnapped L?" He said tilting his head to the side. The team tensed. It had been a month and three weeks since L had gone missing, Light was relentless as ever but the team had made a unanimous decision that finding and stopping Kira was their priority.

"No, we think this company might have a way to find Kira, look at this list of deaths-" Light blinked rapidly and frowned deeply before straightening and taking a step back.

"Son-" The chief looked old, older than time and tired from watching his son's slow descent. Light was pale, gaunt and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"He doesn't mean anything to you does he? He would have given his life up for any one of us but you don't care." He said shaking his head.

"Light, finding Kira is the reason this team was formed we can't just stop-"

"No!" Light's voice was loud and sharp. "I don't care if some maniac is out there killing criminals! L is my _friend_! If we give up on L, if we stop looking for him when he's still out there than that makes _us_ no better than Kira!" He roared, then just as quickly as the silence fell the fight seemed to go out of him. "If we can't look for our friend then what are we?" He said firmly.

"A police investigation team." Light's father said his arm crossed. "A team that was started to find and capture a mass murderer." He said sternly. "To do what's right." He said with a nod. Light's expression turned hard.

"I should have known. That is so like you father, focused on the target not caring who fell by the wayside, not caring that you haven't seen your wife or children for weeks at a time, not caring that your partner-"

SLAP!

The other's gasped at the fire in the chief's eyes burned violently and Light, week from exhaustion stumbled at the force of the blow.

Click.

Watari held the gun steady pressed against the chief's skull.

"Watari?" Yagami said his eyes flickering though he didn't chance to move.

"Are you well Light-kun?" Watari said calmly a hard look in his eyes. Light nodded slowly.

"Yes." He said wiping a trickle of blood from his chin. They watched as he straightened and faced his father.

"For once you are going to listen father." He said softly. "You abandoned us for your work and we supported you, I _admired _you and did everything I could to gain your attention, to make you proud, we all do." He said lifting his chin. "But what you don't see is the way mother cries when you're gone for weeks, or the way Sayu used to forget that she had a father when she was little. Now look at me father, I'm just like you." He said holding out his arms. "I haven't gone home, I haven't paid attention to my family, and my eye is on the target. I won't let anything distract me. If you have a problem with that, if you can't work with me to find Ryuuzaki then fine- leave. I don't even care any more." He said shaking his head as he turned and moved back to the screen.

"Watari are you going to just let him split up this team? Everything L's worked for so that my son can be selfish? You know that L is probably dead-"

"I think Chief Yagami that you should leave this building." Watari said stiffly the gun dropping to his side easily before he turned slightly to Light. "Tea Light-kun?" He said lightly.

"Please." Light said his voice gruff.

#$% #$% #$% #$% #$%

"What do you think?" Matsuda said his voice low his eyes nervous. They'd left the office to escape the tension for a while but they were all thinking the same thing.

"Light-kun is right." Mogi said stiffly. "But so is the chief." He said with a sigh. "The reason we joined L was to catch Kira," He said toying with a sugar packet restlessly.

"But L…" Matsuda said quietly looking away.

"I've worked for the chief for ten years now, I'm not about to abandon him now." Mogi said with a nod. Matsuda frowned but nodded.

"I haven't, the Chief is good I know, he's the best, but Light-kun is right to look for Ryyuzaki-san." He said staring into his coffee. "I mean, if we don't look, who will?" He said quietly. Mogi smiled slightly.

"You're right, there is no shame in wanting to stay with Light, I'm not saying I don't agree with him, but I want to catch Kira. I think Ryyuzaki-kun would have wanted the same, Light-kun doesn't see it that way though, Light-kun has lost his best friend- you saw how close they were despite L accusing him of being Kira." He said. Matsuda stared into his tea and sighed.

He only hoped that Ryyuzaki-san would see how far Light-kun was going for him when this was all over…

#$%^#$%^#$%^#$%^#$%^

"No, no, noooo!" B shouted as he stared in at L. L was thin, too thin and his eyes were empty, he was beyond responding outside of pained whimpers and the occasional flinch. B threw the monitor at the doctor who just barely managed to dodge it letting out a scream as she did. "You weren't supposed to _break_ him! You were supposed to make him _better_!" He snarled at her.

"_**Kira will be displeased**_." Came the low frowning voice. B spun around to face the large winged shinigami. "_**I took a chance coming to you instead of following his plans, he won't like that you've destroyed L.**_" Rem said glaring darkly.

"_**Kukuku- he's gonna be pissed Rem.**_" Another Shinigami said with a wide sharp-toothed grin. "_**And after all the trouble I went through to bring this one back to life.**_" Ryyuk said laughing softly. "_**Looks like you lose the bet. Now his plan is ruined and Misa-Misa can never remember you or the Death Note. Kukuku.**_" He laughed staring in with wide yellow eyes at the pale too thin form. "_**Whatever happens to Misa-chan is no longer any concern of ours- well, it's time to find Light and give him the Note-kukuku-things just got more interesting hyuk-hyuk-hyuk.**_" Ryuuk said grinning.

"Light?" B said with wide eyes.

"_**Yeah, you'll meet em' soon enough**_." Ryuuk said flapping his wings.

"_**What about the other Death Note?**_" Rem said looking very sad and weary.

"_**Let Light decide once he has his memories back.**_" Ryuuk said with a shrug before flapping away.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

Light felt a chill travel down his spine making him shiver visibly. He glanced behind him the glow of the monitor casting an eerie glow on his face. Matsuda was fast asleep at his monitor; none of the others had come back so the rest of the room was empty. He turned back to the computer and rubbed his eyes. The lack of sleep was playing with him, making him feel paranoid. He sighed and stood stumbling to the couch and collapsing down on it. Just a few hours…that's all he needed…

Ryuuk waited until Light's breathing had evened out and cocked his head to the side at the sight of the swollen purpling bruise on Light's cheek. Someone had really decked Light…With a grin he slipped a claw into Light's hand pressing a piece of paper into his palm.

Light's eyes shot open and he _screamed_.

"Huh! What huh!-" Matsuda startled awake and fell out of his seat ungracefully as Light arched and twisted letting out a shout. Matsuda blinked at him in slow shock before scrambling towards the couch and shaking Light. "LIGHT-KUN!" He said looking like me might feint. "Wake up Light-kun it's just a nightmare-kamisama what do I do?" He said when Light didn't wake up right away. "Watari!" Matsuda said with a gasp before scrambling out of the room in a rush.

"_**Kukuku…**_"

Light opened his eyes a crack his gaze annoyed.

"_**Rem didn't want to go along with your plan; she thought you were going to kill Misa-chan so she made a bet with me.**_" Ryuuk said with a smirk. "_**If she won you would have lost your memories permanently, if she lost Misa-chan would lose her memories permanently**_." He said grinning. Light looked furious his gaze murderous because they'd ruined his carefully laid out plan. Ryuuk just shrugged. "_**Hey, I told you, I don't follow anyone's orders, I'm not on your side or L's side or even Rem's side.**_" He said easily.

"Light-kun!" Watari gasped storming into the room completely oblivious to the shinigami he was about to walk through.

"_**Oh, and I know where L is. I'll take you to him if you get me some apples.**_" Ryuuk said with a grin.

"Are you alright Light-kun!" Watari said his eyes wide. Light was looking at Ryuuk though.

"Yes, fine." He said before blinking and turning his gaze to Watari. "I had a nightmare- I-I think I might be able to find L." He said with a nod.

"_**Kukuku…**_"

#$% #$% #$% #

"Right here- pull into this driveway." Light said frowning. Everything was mixed up in his head. Why was he bothering to get L? He could leave him there, and if Ryuuk was right L would die soon without Light ever having a hand in it. Watari glanced at him from the rearview mirror his gaze slightly worried.

"A dream Yagami-kun?" He said as they pulled into the garage.

"I know, it sounds stupid, but he's here, I know it I-I can _feel_ it." He said rubbing his face. Really he was a mess, he'd dropped a disgusting amount of weight and his color had suffered as well, his clothes looked baggy on him and his eyes were rimmed with dark smudges and red irritated lines. But he had to get L, if only because L was _his_enemy to torture-_liar, he's your friend you've allowed him to come close when he shouldn't have._

"Eto- Light-kun I know you must be exhausted…" Matsuda said quietly. Light shook his head.

"I'm not crazy, it doesn't make any sense but I know he's here." He said rubbing the space between his eyes where the beginnings of a migraine was beginning to make its self known. Watari simply nodded his head in acceptance and parked the car. Watari climbed out of the car and opened the door for them allowing Light to climb out first his eyes wary at the sight of the empty car park.

"I don't like this…" Matsuda said quietly as he climbed out. Light frowned but followed Ryuuk towards the elevator. Why was he doing this? All he knew was that he didn't want L dead any more- which was ridiculous, L was the enemy. But what if he wasn't? Light frowned. He'd always been alone in his genius, people tried to befriend him but he'd been used so many times that any relationship had become fake. They wanted something from him, all of them wanted something from him, but L didn't need anything from him, not really. He grit his teeth. _No, _he couldn't be wavering now, not after everything!

"Light-kun you look troubled." Watari noted as the elevator rose.

"I don't understand this." He said gritting his teeth. "It isn't logical." He said scowling. Watari smiled slightly.

"If you will pardon me saying Light-kun much of what we are dealing with makes no sense. Kira makes no sense, how can a person die miles away without any physical evidence? Is it something unseen like the electrical current that occurs when you turn on a light switch? Who knows, but if it helps us find Ryuzaki I think we can keep the questions for another time and just accept it as a good thing." Watari said with a nod. Light frowned. He'd never thought to ask what Watari thought, the man was mostly just a shadow and Light found it easy to underestimate him.

"Kira doesn't make sense?" Light said frowning.

"When you strip all the mystery away anyone intelligent could be Kira, what makes Kira hard to catch is the lack of evidence." Watari said with a slow wise nod.

"He has people who worship him as a god though." Light said hiding his anger. _Kira was god! He was justice! He was-_ He was tired and haggered and looked as though he was in need of a decent meal and some real sleep. He stared at his reflection for a moment longer before shaking his head.

"So did Julius Caesar, so did the Egyptian pharaohs, people are keen to worshiping people yet using these two examples it is clear that all empires, even Kira's will end. I only feel sorry for whoever is masquerading as Kira this time." Watari said. Light grit his teeth.

"Why?" He said tightly.

"Because he is alone." Watari said softly. "And he will continue to be alone until he reaches his own untimely end most certainly brutal death. The people will turn on him like the tides Light-kun and when he is found he will be torn down and trampled on." Watari said regretfully. "Such a waste of a great mind." He added shaking his head as the elevator doors opened. Light felt himself pale at Watari's words. He could picture it now, the great men and woman of history- all dead, all fallen. He wasn't immortal, he had the power to kill from a distance, power from a Shinigami…but it wasn't his, not really, he was human and he could die. A shiver of fear rippled through him as they stepped into a room that he supposed was probably meant for security purposes but there were no guards.

"Watari-san…" Matsuda said frowning but Light pressed forward slipping through the glass. He needed to make sure L was alright, he needed to see for himself that L was alive. Why? Why did he need L to be alive? They stepped through another door and Light glanced up noting that the camera was off, the red light absent. Matsuda pulled out his gun and the click seemed to resound in the air as he took a defensive position behind Light his eyes sharp.

"_**This place was full when I left.**_" Ryuuk noted his wings flapping loudly as he gazed around. Light glanced up at him and frowned. "_**Just through here…**_" Ryuuk said over his shoulder as he slipped through the wall above a solid looking door. Light swallowed. L…the only person that could keep up with him- was that why? Because L was a challenge? Light had always admired the rumored Detective, the super sleuth and at the same time he could admit to being jealous of the man his own father admired so much more than Light. The door slipped open and they were greeted with what looked like a medical lab, flat steel tables with straps on the sides, machines that he could only guess at the use of all around the room. A woman sat on top of one of the tables a steel tray beside her with surgical tools all lined up neatly in a row. In her hand was a syringe the needle embedded into the crook of her arm where the sleeve of the white lab coat had been rolled up.

"Where is he?" Light demanded. The woman looked at them one at a time before settling on Light.

"I have a message from B. B apologizes to Kira for stealing L and insists that B didn't intend to hurt L but to fix him, to make him better. Unfortunately L would not tell B where Kira is so B will have to find him." She said her skin turning slowly gray. Light grit his teeth and strode forward anger boiling in his gut.

"Where is he? Where is L?" He demanded not caring that her breath was growing short. She turned her head to the side where a large object sat covered with a white sheet.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "But B would kill me in far worse ways." She said with a shudder. Light ignored her and strode to the sheet gripping the cloth and tearing it away.

It was a cage.

A large framed cage with thick Plexiglas walls and small holes for breathing.

Large dark eyes were staring at him silently and Light felt himself flinch inwardly under the blank gaze.

He had done this.

In Kira's name.

L…

"You need the key card to get in." The doctor said from where she was slumped forward with Matsuda and Watari checking her over. Watari snatched the card from her pocket and tossed it to Light who caught it deftly and slid it through the slot opening the door.

L didn't even move.

He just kept watching Light.

Light walked slowly to the flat cot where L was sprawled out naked and covered in healing wounds. He looked like a doll that had fallen apart and was then stitched up again. One long cut from his sternum to his groin and then from his right ribcage to his left and again from just above his right hipbone to just above his left stitched back together in neat but crude stitches. Light _knew_ they were more medically advanced than this, no these stitches were _meant_ to leave a mark. The insides of L's arms were positively _pulverized_ by needle marks and thick finger shaped bruises and his wrists and ankles were still cuffed to the cot horribly bruised and bearing teeth marks where L had tried to chew his way out. Light swallowed thickly and knelt beside L.

The great detective L.

The man who was the only real match for him.

This was his fault.

Suddenly this was all very, very real.

His fingers trembled as he lifted them only to halt when dark eyes closed in preparation for pain.

He had wanted to kill this man.

But for all their games L was the only one that had ever been completely real with him. And _he_ was the one that had been fake. He choked silently and gasped as tears welled in his eyes and pour down his cheeks.

"Light-kun?" Matsuda said completely stunned and unsure of what to do. Light let out a choked sob and wiped the tears away roughly before pulling his heavy coat off.

"No one touches him except Watari-san and I." He said gruffly as he reached out and gently- more gently than he thought himself capable of, pulled the cuffs from L's wrists and then his ankles. L trembled but said nothing and didn't struggle when Light slipped the coat around him tugging it until it was snug.

"Shall I call for a doctor to examine him?" Watari asked coming into the door of the cell. L stiffened at the mere word 'doctor' and Light pulled him closer, protectively the slight frame even smaller now.

"No, no more doctors." Light said softly.

"But he could be sick Light-kun." Matsuda reasoned.

"And Miss Takeo is dead, we cannot question her." Watari said gruffly as Light lifted L's slight form and cradled him to his chest.

"Check the computers they wouldn't have deleted the data they've gathered if he was this unimportant to them." He said stepping out of the cage. "No doctors, no needles and no restraints." He said calmly and coldly.

"As you wish Light-kun." Watari said with a nod. "Shall I call a team to sweep the building?" He asked softly his tired worried eyes on L's shivering form.

"Yes. Do you have a set of clothes for Ryuuzaki?" He questioned as they made their way through the security areas and to the elevator.

"I have a set of your clothes prepared; I apologize for not having the foresight to bring clothing for Ryuuzaki." Watari said with a slight bow.

"It's okay, I know you didn't believe me, but we have him now, that's all that matters." Light said. He just wanted to be _out_ of this building. He didn't understand why L had such an impact on him, it was still a mystery even for his startlingly quick mind, but L was important and Light had hurt him. Before Light wouldn't have cared, before he'd given up the death note he'd been willing to sacrifice even his own family if it meant creating his utopia. So what was different now? It hadn't even been all that long that he'd been away from the death note and yet here he was, staring at L and knowing that he would remember how thin and frail L was the next time he even _thought_ of using the death note. Light watched L and realized that he felt protective over him, more than he'd felt over anything even his prized watch or the set of expensive law books his father had gifted him with. Light had never felt so possessed by anything before, even the death note.

Even the death note.

It was possessing him, fulfilling his whims and providing an easy answer to a complex problem. The note was like a drug he realized, it was addictive and he was too far in this game to pull out now. But he wasn't any average person, he was better than that, he didn't _need_ the note. He didn't _need_ Ryuuk, but at the same time he wasn't willing to let go of his memories again…was he? He looked down at L again who was sleeping heavily against him his breathing shallow and frightened even in his sleep.

Getting rid of the note was unthinkable; he'd be powerless without it!

He'd be _nothing_ without it.

Watari's words from earlier rang true suddenly. In the face of a beaten broken and battered L Light couldn't deny it. He was nothing more than an intelligent young man without that book; L would have never paid attention to him if it weren't for the death note. Hell his _father_ wouldn't have paid attention to him no matter how good his grades were in school.

He had to look at it logically.

And when he did, when he really did, using L's frailness as an anchor against the blindness and all the excuses he had come up with- he realized what this was really about. He wanted to be acknowledged. Not by empty people or distant school directors, not by the clamoring hands that all wanted a piece of what he could give them- but by L and his father, the two people who inevitably meant more to him than anything else. It was like a slap in the face. It was worse than a slap in the face and for a moment he couldn't help the tears that fell _again_. He hadn't cried in so long…he'd learned not to cry; people would latch onto it, see it as a weakness and exploit it. He'd faced the cruel realities of the world and held a stoic face to it. But he'd never faced _himself_ had he? So proud and naïve, so full of ideas about justice and gods and so _tired_ of being at the top while never quite reaching everyone's expectations- he stood an a gulf of expectations and saw himself, Kira, dark, uncaring- alone. There were hands in the darkness, in the gully between them there were the lives of thousands that were broken and ruined by Light's carelessness. For the first time he looked down and saw them, the way they clamored over each other rotten and full of malice their hands reaching out to drag Kira into the pit- and he was scared, so scared for the first time to see what he had become, what he had tried to ignore because the truth was too much to bear.

"Light-kun..." Matsuda said sadly beside him. Light blinked away the tears. It was all too late now wasn't it? He'd ruined it all, been stupid, thought he knew what he was doing when really he didn't- L did though and he supposed that's why he respected L so greatly.

It was going to change, he would change it. He would fix L, get rid of the note and actually _work_ to be acknowledged. He lifted his chin and gazed Kira in the eyes before slowly turning and walking away. As he walked a shadow formed beside him, curved hunched over and pale, shadowed eyes looked at him calmly…L…Light breathed deeply as the doors to the elevator slipped open-

"Freeze!"

Light turned with a gasp at the guns pointed at them his only thought to shield L-

There was an explosion of sound that left his ears ringing, and then a searing pain. Light felt everything fade in and out of focus.

He could hear shouting, more gun fire, more pain. But L was safe wide eyed and frightened, but Light's body was covering him.

"-safe L, won't let them hurt you." Light managed as agony rose in him the shock of it wearing off though he was still dizzy with the intensity of being shot. There was blood on L's chest and Light panicked at the sight of it before realizing that it was his own blood.

Was he dying?

Did it matter?

Had he really made a difference in the world? Had he made his mark so that he would go down in history like all great men?

L's eyes stared into his as Light grew lightheaded.

Yes, he'd made his mark…as a criminal, a murderer, and the destroyer of L, the one person who had managed to get past his walls and become…a friend without him ever noticing it. A friend that he'd betrayed.

"Sorry, Ryu." He managed when his arms gave out from under him and black seemed to swoop down in one dizzying cloud. "Sorry L, my fault, my fault…" He murmured before the pain, the knowledge, everything faded away.

#$% #$% #$%

Light faded in and out clinging to a place that was neither here nor there. Sometimes he would feel himself being moved, hear odd sounds or want to scream as pain raced through him unstoppable and spreading. He knew wakefulness only a few times but almost as soon as he knew it, the sensation was gone again. He knew there was shouting at one point, and movement, people shuffling around- hurting him. At one point he wants nothing to do than to retreat from the pain. It hurts so badly, why can't he just die? Instead he feels it more sharply, again and again as though someone is telling him that he's not allowed to die and it hurts frequently enough and intensely enough jolting through him agonizingly until he gives in and lives gasping for breath and blind as an eerie whining sound rings into his ear before turning into a rabid beeping and then at last steadying as some floaty feeling washes over him.

For a while he stays this way.

He remembers that Ryuuk had once said that he wouldn't go to heaven or hell but somewhere between, trapped in nothingness. Was this it? It wasn't so bad he supposed….he felt…nice…at ease for the first time in a long time. He didn't have to worry about Kira, or L or criminals and doing what's right. He could just _be_. He sighed restfully the sound echoing around him. His mind was calm, buzzing with inconsequential information and…it was nice…He laughed softly, the deep sound sending an ache through him that brought on a flash of real and absolute pain. It took him a few minutes to be calm again but when he was he was struck again by the thought that at one point he'd been so _bored_ by this same silence that he'd sought to rid the world of evil. Muddled thoughts of L and the team flittered here and there; they'd had some good times hadn't they? On this little adventure, fighting Kira, working with L a mind that was _finally_ on his level- But L had been better than him hadn't he?

He smiled wryly.

L had seen more of the world than Light, had been more exposed to the cruel realities and had come to some other level of maturity. Light sighed. He'd once been described as a plant from a greenhouse, sheltered and grown under specific conditions- oh he'd seen crime scenes, he'd seen what humans were capable of, but perhaps there was something he was missing…Perhaps…there was more.

He didn't want to spend the rest of his life running away from L.

If there was even an L to chase after him.

He felt a sharp pain at that thought. Such a brilliant mind, the only one that could keep up with Light, the only one that was _better_ than Light and it had been stunted because of Light. It was a crushing weight on his chest, a bruising force that he could feel physically- he didn't feel guilt for killing all those criminals and he suspected that he never would, but the thought of L being destroyed…he couldn't take that, wouldn't stand for it. L…the most frustrating, backwards, creepy, and oddball person Light had ever known, he was Light's polar opposite…and maybe that's just was Light needed all along. Someone like L to guide him. The thought was like a bitter pill. But while he was proud and often times self centered, he wasn't a fool and the cold empty facts were facing him, slapping him in the face. He had to kill Kira. Kira had to die, had to be destroyed.

L would help him. He would never have to know that Light was the reason he'd been hurt. Light would make sure that he never had the proof of it and he would bear the pain of it for the rest of his life in retribution.

It was time to do things L's way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hmmm I gotta say I don't like Light so much simply because even in the anime and manga he's a bit of a diva- which is actually a pretty hard character to write about because you kind of want to kill him while you'r writing. Ugh...any way please enjoy this next update. And for those of you who are keeping up with my Harry Potter Elite story, I am updating there today as well- such is the benefit of writing story's in advance and making sure they are complete before uploading them as I've now learned. My archive is a little less terrifying by the way, for those of you who have been keeping up with some of my other stories, I've made a rather sizable dent in it last year, hopefully I can empty it by the end of this year and make room for new stuff. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Mistress Slytherin**

**WARNINGS:**

**HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS**

**NOT FOR THE EYES OF THE YOUNG**

**VIOLENT SITUATIONS**

**BLOODSHED **

**AU**

**MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS**

**DOMESTIC ABUSE**

**Let me know if I missed anything?**

**PART 1**

Chapter 2

_Standing Ovation_

"Any change?" Mogi said exhaustedly. It had been a month since Light had been shot six times in the back by an overzealous swat team.

A mix up.

That's all it had been, information had been leaked to them that Kira had been sighted in the building. No one knew who gave the tip but it had been a nearly fatal disaster. The swat had been told to shoot on sight no questions asked- understandable considering that this was Kira they were talking about, but it had ended badly. Light had jumped to protect L, had shielded him with his body and Watari had jumped to close the doors but it was over in seconds. Watari had been shot twice but that still hadn't stopped him from scolding the idiots with a force that rivaled an army. If it hadn't been for their bullet-proof vests Light and Watari would be more than dead, if Light hadn't shielded L with his body L, who was practically naked when they found him, _would_ have been dead. And Matsuda….Matsuda in his typical air-headed way had forgotten his vest- he didn't make it. But at least the others were alive…ish.

But he wasn't sure that _this_ was the better alternative.

Across the room wide dark eyes stared up at him.

L had in fact recovered in the following month, only a little, but enough that he could still speak, that he could still function enough to demand that he not leave Light's side. Of course it struck Mogi that the other side of Light's bed was void. The chief had thrown himself into the Kira case convinced that this was Kira's fault.

"Light-kun has not yet shown any signs of waking." Watari said softly. "He has been speaking though and moving which the doctors assure may be a sign that he will wake soon." The elder man said pouring a cup of tea and handing it to L who heaped spoons full of sugar in it and stared at it, gaze distant and faded before he set the cup and saucer aside untouched. Almost as though summoned Light mumbled restlessly.

"Mnnfnn-ira….mmmmnnn!" His hands twitched.

"What's he trying to say?" Mogi asked softly when Light scowled in his sleep.

"He's saying 'kill Kira'" L said so quietly that it was just above a whisper.

"He has been saying this for nearly an hour now." Watari said quietly. "Need to kill Kira..." He said somberly. Mogi felt his hands tighten into balls at his sides reminding him of the carrier he was holding. The chief was most definitely not father of the year, but Light was always on his mind, it showed in the way his hair had become white and his face aged just in the last few weeks his eyes hallowed and just the slightest bit frightening to look at. Instead of sitting beside Light's bed though he sent sweets for L.

"Here, I think its carrot." Mogi said holding it out to Watari who accepted it with a thin smile and moved to a side table where he could cut a slice for L who's gaze had returned to Light.

"Light-kun. Wake up." L said softly but clearly. Mogi jumped when Light gasped loudly and his eyes shot open the machines going off with frantic wild beeps. Honey colored eyes turned as Light panted and settled on L flickering unseeingly as he panted and gripped the sheets.

"L!…gods L!…" Light swayed his eyes flickering as his eyelids sank down. Nurses pushed past Mogi knocking him into the counter on the side as he stared in shock at the scene.

"-going to have to ask you to leave the room." The nurse said loudly her arm on his hand. Mogi wondered how many times she'd said it before getting through to him. He nodded confusedly and stumbled as he made his way out of the room vaguely hearing Watari arguing with them. Mogi slumped against the wall on the other side of the hall before his brain kick-started and he fumbled for his phone. The doctors had said that there was a high chance that Light might never wake up again but there he was! Eyes open!

"Chief! He's awake! Light-kun is awake!"

#$% #$% #$% #$%

Light drank deeply from the cup his mouth feeling dry and tasting of something foul but his eyes were on L looking over him checking for injury.

"Light-kun has been asleep for a month." L said breaking the tension in the air. Light gasped but the nurse tutted and started asking him questions- what was his name, how many fingers was she holding up, etcetera Light's answers were curt and grew increasingly agitated until she finally finished and swooped out of the room with an air of professionalism.

"A month?" He whispered turning back to L. L nodded slowly and accepted a piece of carrot cake from Watari who looked visibly relieved when L actually took a bite. Light shook his head. It didn't matter, not really a month was nothing-

"**_You died a couple of times._**" Ryuuk said scowling at him. "**_But you made things fun so I brought you back_**." He said with a shrug. Light stared at L.

"How?" He whispered aloud.

"**_I made you eat a paper from the death note, you really suck you know Light-kun_**."

"You were shot remember Light-kun?" Watari said handing him a cup of tea which Light gladly took.

"Why?" He said frowning.

"**_Once a human ingests a page from the death note they can't be killed with the death note, the paper becomes a part of you- actually you can't die at all once you eat it, it's made out of the same substance that we Shinigami are made of, you'll be one of us one day, oops, the Boss isn't gonna like that…_**" Ryuuk said his grin falling away.

"Someone told the authorities that Kira had been sighted in the building where we were retrieving L, we think that B was the one to tell them this though we are unsure of his motive since he seemed to want to worship Kira before." Light felt the blood rush from his face. Immortal? Him? A shinigami?

"And B? What do we know about him?" Light said rubbing his face tiredly. Watari frowned.

"Light-kun I think it would be best for you to rest before returning to work. L is safe again and there is no rush to find B." Watari said a note of worry in his voice his eyes darting to L who was stiff, his fingers white around the porcelain of the tea cup. Light nodded slowly.

"**_He was part of my bet with Rem, I figured he would be the best choice- you had already killed him though so I had to erase his name to bring him back- the guy's a real nut job Light-kun._**" Light felt his expression tighten as fury raged through him, he still had no real information about this bet and if it was truly over. Sometimes he wished he had the power to destroy Ryuuk. But he couldn't blame the Shinigami completely, this was all because of him, because he was Kira and that had to stop.

"Whatever the case L is safe, that monster wouldn't come after him as long as he thinks that Kira enjoys fighting with L." He said with a nod. L gazed at him with sad tired eyes that made his chest tighten- of course, why would L trust Light of all people to protect him? But Light….Light _needed_ to take care of L now. L was his responsibility, Light would follow him to the ends of the earth and that scared him just as much as it encouraged him.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

"Thank you for letting me know Mogi." The chief said sighing on the other end. "Tell him I'm glad he's alright." He said distractedly. Mogi felt his face fall and his heart sink with some sort of twisted betrayal.

"Tell him- you mean you aren't coming?" He said in disbelief.

"My wife and daughter will be over in a while, Light will understand, we're getting close to catching Kira now." The chief said distractedly again. Mogi frowned. It wasn't his place to say anything about the man's family matters…but it sounded like…like he didn't _care_. Mogi suddenly had to wonder if the man was relieved because his son was awake or because they would have Light's brilliant mind back on the case.

"Of course sir." Mogi said quietly before hanging up. Light _was_ brilliant, they'd all said it before- but he was unsettling at times, just how brilliant he was, how well he knew the system, every law by rote almost…almost as if he'd been raised on it, fed it in the morning with his breakfast and reminded of it throughout the day. Mogi shook his head, Light was just intelligent that's all, and the chief was right, they'd gotten a lead on who exactly Kira might be masquerading as in the Yotsuba group. He sighed and rubbed his face. This job was making him paranoid.

#$% #$% #$% #$% #4

Dealing with family members was always trying for Light, since his father had been away for most of their childhood, he'd been the man of the house, dealing with Sayu's issues at school, helping his mother carry stuff or replace light bulbs. But the worst had always been the crying. He _hated_ to see them upset because that meant that he'd failed them somehow, he hadn't been good enough, hadn't protected Sayu from those jerks at school or hadn't helped his mother and been around to make her feel less lonely without their father. Many nights he'd stayed up with them letting his mother smother him with an embrace because she missed her husband or was frightened for him. As he grew older though the crying stopped and his mother became used to him being gone sometimes for weeks at a time.

Light had always been there for them though, except for recently.

Between Light turning himself in to L for observation, his own single minded determination to find L and now his apparent coma and near death he felt as though he hadn't seen them for ages. The worst part though was that it showed, his mother's hair was grayer than he remembered her eyes haunted and tired, puffy from the tears she'd undoubtedly shed. Sayu looked brittle, as though she would shatter at any moment. But she was angry too, at Light, at the world, who knew? But it had hardened her and robbed her of her laughter and the innocence in her gaze.

It was like being shot six times all over again.

"I knew it couldn't be you Light-kun." Sayu said first her hand reaching up and wiping her eyes. Light frowned. As far as he knew they weren't supposed to know about his imprisonment-

"You're father told us." His mother said her eyes glittering with a hatred that he'd never seen in them. "He came home _drunk_ and told us that you were Kira, that you'd been arrested!" She said a storm starting in her quietly spoken words. Light felt himself pale, the color draining from his face. How selfish had he been? In his pursuit to change the world to take responsibility for the protection of all the good and just people- he'd broken the one's closest to him.

"Mom-" But then she was sinking down into the chair and sobbing into her hands.

"I told him you wouldn't, that you couldn't be Kira! You're always taking care of us Light-kun! You're our hero! How could he think-?" She shook her head. "Such a good boy helping your father even after everything-" Light stiffened.

"Mom it's nothing, its fine I wanted to find Kira I joined the case by myself-"

"No Light-kun I am your mother and I know you too well, your father was always dragging you along to the station, taking you to crime scenes- the things you must have seen! But I allowed it because I thought at least this way you would get to see your father! At least this way you could know him!" She said fiddling with her purse and pulling out a handkerchief to wipe her face with. "It was wrong Light, it was wrong of us to encourage this; police work is so dangerous-"

"Mom please this is- there's no reason for this, what happened was just an accident that's all! I'll be fine now!" He said panicking a bit as he tried to placate her. He didn't get it. What happened? Where was all this anger towards his father coming from? Sure his father had his faults but he was a busy man and he worked hard to protect them all even if the law got in the way a lot of the time.

"You idiot Light-kun you were shot six times! You were in a coma and nearly died!" Sayu said stomping her foot her fists at her sides trembling. Light hated it, hated that he had to see them like this, but he had to do this, he had to kill Kira and fix L it was his responsibility now.

"I'm sorry." He said softly his eyes falling to his hands because he couldn't meet her tear filled eyes and know what he had done and how it was destroying everything he cared about. And he did care he realized, for all his bemoaning having to be the perfect son and the perfect brother, for all the bitterness he felt at his accomplishments and how meaningless they were in the end- he cared about his family.

"Idiot!" Sayu burst out her expression twisted her hands tight fists at her sides. "It's not your fault, can't you see?" She scowled before turning and running out of the room. Light stared after her trying to figure out how everything had just spun so wildly out of control. His mother took a shuddering breath and dabbed her eyes seeming to come to a decision.

"No Light-kun you do what you need to do; you're a grown man now I see that- I can't change the way I raised you now can I?" His mother said with a sad nod. "Just be careful and come visit us some times okay?" She said tiredly. Light felt his chest squeeze impossibly and his eyes which hadn't cried even a single tear for all the hundreds he'd murdered- itched and made him blink rapidly.

There was a lot that needed to be fixed.

#$% #$% #$% #$% #$%

Rehabilitation was a long and arduous process. For Light who was naturally an over achiever the idea that he could in fact push himself too hard and damage himself worse was frustrating. Within a week after waking up though he was pronounced well enough to return home which the doctors found miraculous but not entirely suspicious. There was some debate about whether he should return to headquarters or not but in the end Watari was the one that decided that both he and L could use some time away from the Kira case and so with some maneuvering Light was moved back home and a camping cot was added to Light's room for L. Watari of course would take the guest room for the time being, but L refused to be away from Light for some reason and had point blank said that he would be quiet and try his best not to annoy Light. Light drew the line at letting L into the bathroom with him when he showered though, so though Light was exhausted he placed a chair outside the door and L contentedly sat down with a book of Light's and began reading veraciously. Light was glad for the alone time as he locked the door and slowly stripped the hospital pants and shirt that he'd been wearing. It smelled like sick and sterility and he was more than ready to stop smelling like some foreign person and back to his own scent.

"**_Light-kun._**" He nearly jumped at the sound of Rem's voice and glanced at the door letting her know that he wasn't alone. Rem followed his gaze and nodded. "**_I'll keep this short then, I can't keep going without Misa-chan._**" She said her eyes showing her torment. Light stared at the mirror and nodded before reaching up carefully to tug at the bandages wrapped around him. His nurse had said that he should probably have someone help him but there was no way Light was having his mom or his sister do this, it would break their hearts to see the bullet wounds, besides, thanks to Ryuuk feeding him the paper from the death note his wounds were healing more quickly than they normally would. Combined with the month solid that he'd been healing while in a coma he figured he could definitely handle a simple shower. "**_Ryuuk told me that he fed you the paper from the death note, he was gloating about it, how fun it would be to watch it destroy you._**" Light's eyes widened and his breath hitched his hands stilling from where they were peeling away the gauze. Destroy? He stared at Ryuuk in the reflection and she nodded urgently. "**_It is true that you can become a shinigami through ingesting the paper of a death note however you need more than just the note to survive the transformation, you need an apple from the shinigami world._**" She said holding out said apple. "**_You will begin to decay if you do not eat it and you will be little more than a wraith though it will take a hundred years or so for this to happen, you would become a mindless creature with a never ending hunger that cannot be sated._**" Light narrowed his eyes and continued to peel the bandage of not quite believing it. Rem looked panicked but not as though she was lying.

"**_I would not risk Misa-chan's life Light-kun!_**" Rem said sounding frightened and more than slightly obsessive. "**_Make her the owner of one of the death notes and I will give you this apple!_**" Light stared at her for a long moment. Give Misa one of the notes? He lifted his hand and pointed to his head demanding with his eyes. Would he lose his memories again? He didn't know if he wanted that, he wanted to remember what he'd done so that he was never tempted with it again. "**_No, once you have ingested an apple from the shinigami world you do not lose your memories._**" Rem said shaking her large head. Light considered it in his mind-

_Knock-knock!_

"Light-kun are you in need of some assistance?" It was Watari. Light frowned at the mirror and sighed. No matter how confident he felt he simply couldn't _reach_ some of the bandages. He pulled a towel around his waist and opened the door.

"Sorry, I thought I could get it…" He said wincing. Watari nodded briskly and pulled Light's shoulders carefully guiding him around so that he could peel the bandages off.

"I must say, despite being a bit inflamed from your earlier exertions these are healing quite well." Watari said carefully pulling the gauze away. Light winced at the slight pain, he was already sore, he had a feeling that by the time he got out of the shower he would be needing a strong dose of pain killers before simply falling into bed.

A cool finger traced one of the puckered wounds causing him to flinch slightly and turn back finding L staring at him with a blank look.

"It has occurred to me Light that I may have been too hasty in my judgments of you." L said frowning. "I am often inept when it comes to people, I understand a great deal of human psychology and yet I cannot seem to hold a conversation correctly, it is one of my greatest flaws though I doubt you will find many." He took a step back his eyes studying Light's back distantly. It was the most L had said in the week that Light had known him since waking up. "Point zero-one percent." L said frowning heavily. Light blinked in slow shock. It was definitely time for Kira to die; he never wanted to hear L spout percentages against him like that again. Watari chuckled.

"I believe what L is trying to do is to apologize." He said amused as he tugged off the last of the bandages. Light felt a twinge of pain that had nothing to do with the holes in his back. He shook his head.

"There is nothing for you to apologize for." He said shaking his head. Because there wasn't, L had paid the price for _his_ choices as Kira and that had to stop.

"You were shot six times, dropped out of college, were forced not to see your family and were accused of being a mass murderer Light-kun, either you are far more giving than I had assumed or you feel guilty for what has happened to me." L said gazing at Light calmly.

"You were supposed to be attached to me under twenty-four hour surveillance L, the only reason you left the building was because I ate your last piece of cake." Light said frowning. L stared hard at him.

"It really was a grave offense." He said with a slow nod. "Yet still I must apply all of the facts and one of those facts is that I was impatient with you and did not allow you to eat a proper breakfast the way you're body was accustomed to." He said with a nod. "Of course you were hungry enough that you would risk even my ire and eat my triple chocolate mousse cake." He said with a nod. Light snorted; of course L would remember the type of cake.

"No, actually I was annoyed with you so I ate it to piss you off." Light said with a shrug. L's lips turned up into a slow creepy smile and Light knew intuitively that they would be fine. "I'm glad you're alright L." He said uncharacteristically before turning and darting back into the bathroom closing the door sharply behind him cutting off Watari's amused chuckles. Light glanced at Rem who was waiting patiently before turning on the taps to the shower and waiting for the glass to fog up before nodding slowly and stretching out his arm palm up. Rem set the apple into his hand and he dropped his towel stepping into the shower, ignoring her angry scowl as he quickly shoved half of the shriveled disgusting apple into his mouth nearly gagging at the taste of rot and ashes. He ate the other half out of sheer will power and swallowed thickly feeling ill for it.

"**_Hey Light-kun…whoa!_**" Ryuuk rose his eyebrows and Light rolled his eyebrows pouring shampoo into his hands. "**_Light-kun what did you do? I feel all sorts of weird, what is Rem doing here?_**" He said turning to Rem suspiciously. Light scrubbed his hair even harder and brought his fingers to his nose wrinkling it slightly in disgust and pulling his fingers away before looking dead at Ryuuk.

"I give up." He said seriously causing Ryuuk's jaw to drop.

"**_Nonononono! Light-kun you can't!_**" He whined.

"I'm just going to cut it anyway." Light said tugging at his hair.

"**_No Light-kun you can't be serious I was having so much fun! Rem what did you do?!_**_" _He demanded turning to Rem who was smirking.

"**_I told him the truth, what you didn't tell him about ingesting the death note._**"She said crossing her arms smugly. Light poured more shampoo into his hands and scrubbed some more, his hair really had actually gotten a bit long…

"**_Fiiine, I guess I'll just have to wait till you're shinigami to play with you again, well, it was fun while it lasted!_**"

"**_Oh no you don't, that note book goes straight to Misa chan and you know it._**" Rem seethed.

"**_Why? Just cuz Light-kun gave it up doesn't mean that you'll get it back!_**" Ryuuk said darting through the wall as Rem's eyes widened in fury. She glanced at Light who shrugged. Really what did she _think_ he could do? The only power he really had, that he'd ever had, was to be able to keep the note and use it or give it away and forget. At least this time he wouldn't forget, and it was out of his hands. He rinsed his hair and continued with his shower wincing as the water bit into his wounds.

With time everything would heal.

#$%^#%$^#$%^#$%^

"Chief." Mogi said pinching the bridge of his nose. "I didn't want to say it before because I'm pretty sure it's none of my business, but see, now it _is_ my business. If you think that Light-kun is Kira fine, show me proof, but we can't just _watch_ him again. There's no reason for him to be under surveillance, we know that he can't be Kira, even if Kira _could_ plan deaths for months in advance we have proof that some of the criminals killed, were on the news _after_ Light-kun went into a coma and we _do_ have proof that the Yatsuba group is harboring Kira, possibly paying him to kill off their competition. You can't keep this up chief!" He said shaking his head. The others nodded. The chief had been watching Light-kun obsessively since he'd woken from his coma and the Kira case had all but stopped in its tracks.

"Chief he took six bullets for L; do you think Kira would do that?" Aizawa said tiredly. "If you're so sure it's him go _home_ and watch him there." He said shaking his head irritably.

"I'm sorry chief but they're right, I agreed to help only because you had proof that the Yatsuba group was working with Kira but we haven't actually _done_ anything to stop the killings-" Ide started.

The chief stood sharply and they collectively took a step back.

"Do what you want." He hissed before grabbing his coat and striding out of the room leaving them to sigh tiredly and wonder if they'd done the right thing confronting him.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

L has always been in the habit of watching people, whether it be through a surveillance camera or across the room, he watches, catalogues, makes his assessment, and then moves on- always. So it comes as no surprise that after nearly a year of assuming that Light is the mass murdering Kira, he still watches Light obsessively. But his assessment of Light has changed- perhaps _this_ was the real reason he'd been so focused on Light. The slight falseness that he portrayed constantly, not once did he allow his mask to fall-

But they did fall slipping under the pressure L had put him through.

Only a slip here and there- and L had been watching.

Mostly it was while they were on the Kira case. Light was almost always so calm and controlled that L had wanted to do nothing but poke and prod and annoy until Light's temper slipped and he kicked him. But now he recognized that Light's slips outside of L's prodding were evoked by someone else in the room, someone L had doubted had so much of an impact on Light.

His father.

Light had made his assumptions about Light's father and then moved on, not focusing on him, not paying attention to him. But there had to be some reason for Light's uncanny abilities on the crime scene. Light had the bearing of a senior officer and had easily outranked anyone on their team when it came to taking the facts and putting them together the way they aught to fit. He could even keep up with L on most occasions, something he'd never thought possible before meeting Light.

And then there was that day in the hospital when Light's masks had truly fallen and the horror let loose in his expression.

One thing was certain to L at least.

Kira would never be able to cry for his family.

And Light did.

So L was watching him again curious about his daily life. Of course Light _was_ rather wounded and had slept in till near midday due to his pain medications but Light was not and had never been a very slothful person. Once he was awake he was struggling into his clothes (while ignoring L's stare), cleaning his room which wasn't really dirty just a bit dusty (while ignoring L's stare), and then slipping out of the room and down the stairs a heavy frown on his face as he noticed certain small things that normally wouldn't bother people (while ignoring L's stare). L took note of these things as well, the slight squeak of a door hinge, the two burnt out light bulbs on the staircase, the window with a crack in one pane, the wiggly handle on the bathroom door, the toilet that seemed to be letting out water when it wasn't supposed to- little things that darkened Light's gaze with each mental note until he couldn't hide the haze of anger and something else, something dark.

"Oh Light-kun! You should be resting dear, I was about to bring you some food!" Light's mother proclaims with a worried smile as she gestures to a tray laden with hearty porridge, a slice of buttered toast and a glass of juice. L notes that they are all things that were specifically noted on Light's special diet plan while in the cooker there is fresh rice and fish grilling on the stove undoubtedly for lunch. Light smiles falsely.

The draft under the door leading outside, the wobbly chair at the end of the table, the drip, drip, drip in the sink-

"I'm feeling fine mom, just hungry." He says lifting the bowls and plates from the tray and taking them to the table before returning for the other knick knacks that will be needed to set the table.

L used to assume that Light did it as a sort of lie, to say to the world 'hey look! I'm a dutiful son!' but there is no one watching now and it is obvious to him that Light and his mother have been doing this particular dance for years (while ignoring L's stare).

L seats himself in his typical crouch and watches them as the peporations are made. Light doesn't seem to notice or mind that his meal is getting cold, instead he is alert, eyes catching more small details that L notes are increasingly stressful to Light.

Eventually Watari comes down the stairs impeccably dressed as ever while still managing to hide the gun at his waist and the handcuffs he always kept in his pocket. His footsteps make a soft thumping sound and Light's stare is drawn to the stairs when one squeaks rather loudly. The dark look passes in an instant though and Light is immediately returning to his task of filling glasses with ice and placing them on the table.

"Ah Light-kun I did not think I would see you up so soon." Watari says in surprise, there is genuine worry in his tone though and L's ears perk up.

"I was feeling better." Light said with a true smile. L did a double-take, he'd noticed that the two had bonded a bit, but this was a bit _more_ than what he'd been expecting. Watari took his seat on the end of the table beside L and glances at him briefly probably assessing L's confusion and giving him a mild knowing smile that only served to confuse him more. A slice of cake is set before him and L's wariness is washed away.

"Light-kun!" Light's mother scolds but Light is already scooting into his chair (the wobbly one) and waiting for her to sit down.

"Ryuuzaki-kun is in the habit of eating sweets." Watari says with a small smile. "When I first found Ryuuzaki-kun that was his only and dearest wish- to eat as many sweets as he possibly could for the rest of his life." L blinked. It wasn't like Watari to give such information away. It wasn't harmful to him of course but it was still…well…_more_ than Watari was in the habit of saying to anyone. Light's mother sighed half heartedly but she wasn't about to tell a guest in her house what he should eat and so she sat down and they began the process of eating. Light's motions were slower than normal and his expression was blank, tight around the eyes which were tense. Light was most certainly in a great deal of pain from his injuries, but he was hiding it, though L didn't know why.

L frowned and poked at his cake.

Light had taken six bullets to the back in order to protect him. He had been willing in that instant to sacrifice himself for L who really had very little worth to the world outside of his position as L- a position that had a line of people ready to become the next L. L was expendable; he had always been even as an unknown child starving in the frigid streets of Russia. The child that had never tasted cake until the night Watari came to him bribing him out of the dilapidated crush of a building he'd been living in scribbling equations and formula into the muddy dirt to ease his restless mind and distract his cramping stomach. But Light had taken the bullets for him and had died there on the hospital bed several times before being stabilized. It wasn't something that even _he_ could ignore as a social nicety that he simply didn't understand. When everyone else in the team had abandoned him (as he very well knew they would) Light had fought on and in the end it was Light that had found him.

Though even B seemed to think that Light was Kira.

In his insane ramblings he'd come to the same conclusion that L had come to- that Light must be Kira. L didn't know how, he was certain he hadn't said anything about it mostly because he had been doubting himself and his accusations against Light for some time. He wanted Light to be Kira, the ultimate enemy, because Light was so much like him and he presented the most complex mystery that L had ever faced. But now he can't seem to believe that it could be possible, because Kira wasn't capable of sacrificing himself, no, Kira sacrificed everyone else.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTT-KUUUUN!" The shrill voice made him blink away from his thoughts and see that Light had flinched visibly at the grating voice and then wince as his wounds were aggravated his spoon falling from his shocked and useless fingers.

"Oh my…" Light's mother said as the front door burst open and the sound of scrambling shoes filled the air. There was a quiet male overtone and Light frowned visibly as Misa-misa burst into the room followed sedately by a tall broad business man. Misa-chan seemed to struggle for a moment, perhaps with the urge to hug Light, yet to L's surprise she didn't, instead tears welled up in her eyes.

"Forgive our intrusion I'm Kyosuke Higuchi of Yotsuba Corporation." The man said holding out his hand. Light's lips turned up cautiously and he lifted his hand greeting the man curiously.

"Yotsuba Corporation." Light repeated glancing at L whose eyes widened as he made the connection. Kira was supposed to be one of the elites from the group though they had yet to figure out which.

"Yes, I am also Misa-chan's fiancé." He said with a thin predatory smile. Misa-misa looked suddenly nervous as she jumped from foot to foot.

"Misa is sorry Light-kun, Misa-misa is so sorry, but well, you were dead! They told Misa-misa that you had died in a gun fight and Misa-misa was so saaaad! But then she met Higuchi-san and Misa-Misa thought he was a creep at first but Higuchi-san it turns out that is just misunderstood and Misa-Misa loves him now so Misa-Misa can't be with you any more you see?" She begged with wide eyes. Light-kun stared at her for a long moment before her rambling seemed to make sense to him.

"I hope that there won't be any misunderstandings?" Kyosuke Higuchi said settling a possessive arm around Misa. Light blinked and nodded slowly.

"No, I understand, I mean I _was_ dead for a while, or so I'm told, and I'm glad Misa-chan was able to find someone to love while I was gone, congratulations." He said looking relieved. Misa-Misa was tearing up leaning heavily into Kyosuke Higuchi as she sniffled against him.

"Misa is sorry Light-kun but Misa-Misa can never see you again, if she does, she might be tempted and Misa-Misa never ever wants to do anything to hurt Higuchi-san!" She said shaking her head frantically. Light blinked at her slowly and nodded.

"Okay, I understand." He said with a nod.

"I'm glad you understand." Kyosuke Higuchi said with a creepy smirk. Light winced and stood.

"Actually, could I have a word with you alone?" He said mildly. L stood naturally as Misa-Misa was guided to an empty chair and given a cup of tea. L followed them into the other room ignoring Light's rolled eyes and the other man's curious glance as he pushed into Light's personal space and set his chin on Light's shoulder just to annoy the teen.

"Going to give me the warning speech?" Kyosuke Higuchi said wryly.

"Uh no, look I just wanted you to know that seriously there are no hard feelings. Misa-chan followed me home one day and created this fantasy that we were going out, I couldn't really do anything without hurting her feelings but see, just to make it clear, I'm not really interested in her." Light said wrinkling his nose. "I'm glad she's happy and really it's a relief, she's pretty and nice but well, she isn't my type." He said with a shrug that nearly dislodged L's chin, in retaliation L wound his arm around Light's chest and stubbornly replaced his chin on Light's shoulder smirking when Light's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. Kyosuke Higuchi stared at Light in mild confusion for a long moment before glancing at L and back at Light again, then back at L, then back again his eyes widening.

"Ah." He said clearing his throat uncomfortably. "I see, well, that makes things clear I suppose, no hard feelings, I will make certain that Misa-Misa doesn't bother you any more, I can't say I'm surprised after finding out about her Lolita fascination, but then she is a very fascinating girl." He said with a smile. Light relaxed a bit and held out his hand.

"Good luck and just so you know Misa and I never- well, you know, I think we only kissed twice." He said with a wince. "Rather, she kissed _me_ twice." He said with a slightly ill expression. Kyosuke Higuchi let out a laugh and his eyes relaxed even more.

"I get it, good to know then, I'm glad that we won't be having any problems then Yagami Light-kun." He said with a nod. Light smiled a false smile and tugged himself away from L with a slightly annoyed look before gesturing towards the kitchen where he could here Misa-chan speaking animatedly.

"Seriously." Light said clapping Kyosuke Higuchi on the shoulder. "Good luck." He said shaking his head. The man chuckled slightly.

"Come on Misa-Misa, we need to get to the florist before it closes." Kyosuke Higuchi said with a nod. Misa stood hurriedly with a loud scraping sound from the chair and rushed to latch onto the man's arm.

"Bye Light-kun!" She called out before following the man out of the house slamming the door behind her.

"Well!" Light's mother said indignantly. Light shook his head.

"Finally." He said shaking his head.

"Light-kun!" His mother scolded making him wince.

"I was polite mother! I tried to tell her nicely to leave me alone but she kept insisting!" He grumbled.

"So you let her continue to believe that she was your girlfriend?" L said tilting his head to the side.

"Well it kept the other girls away." He said with a shrug. "And I was trying to focus on my studies and the case; I didn't need a bunch of girls following me around." He said reaching for his glass.

"And she just started to follow you one day?" L said curiously. Light nodded.

"Well I suppose it's happened before." Light's mother said with an amused expression on her face. "Remember when you were in elementary school and that girl saw you on the bus on your way to school? She didn't even go to the same school as you!" Light's mother supplied causing Light to wince slightly.

"Really?" L said lifting a finger and placing it on his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Yes, I believe I mentioned that there were several warrants to keep girls from stalking Light-kun remember? They were in the preliminary report. You asked if he had any previous criminal records." Watari said as he took a sip of his tea. L nodded slowly.

"They were irrelevant; I didn't pay any attention to them." He said with a nod. Light frowned.

"That's careless of you Ryuzaki; if I was Kira it would have been possible that I was using one of those girls." Light said frowning.

"Yes well I had assumed that you were using Misa-chan." L pointed out.

"Stop!" Light's mother said appearing suddenly upset; in fact L was terrified that she might cry at any moment. "I don't want talk about Kira in this house!" She whispered. "My son is a good boy and he nearly _died_ for your sake! I refuse to hear such baseless accusations again!" She said her tone sharp and clipped. L didn't know what to do, he truly hadn't thought that it would upset her and this banter with Light had become casual enough that he didn't think about how it might alarm people.

"I'm sorry mother; we won't talk about it again." Light said stiffly his face pale. Light's mother stood suddenly and snatched up their dishes including to L's dismay his half-eaten cake. He opened his mouth to speak but Light dug his fingers into his left calf and shot him a warning look causing him to clamp is teeth together. He supposed it was alright after all he _had_ distressed her quite a bit; she could have the other half if she wanted it.

"It's time for your medication Light-kun." Watari said producing the small bottle of prescription pills. Light nodded and popped the cap rolling two into his hand and swallowing them back without water. L watched fascinated by the bob of Light's Adam's apple before Light stood suddenly and handed the bottle back to Watari.

"Thank you for lunch." Light said politely before turning to the stairs. L murmured his thanks as well and followed behind Light without a thought.

#$% #$% #$% 3$%

"What is the meaning of this?" The chief said his voice low and gravelly though he seemed refreshed from the first full night's sleep he'd had in a while even if it had been alone in his lonely office. Ide glanced at Mogi before returning his gaze to the screens.

"We've managed to set up surveillance in the conference room where the Yotsuba group will be meeting." He said calmly. Mogi nodded slowly.

"If this works then we have all the proof we need that they are using Kira, the graphs and coincidences weren't enough but this will nail them." He said returning his gaze to the screen where the uninteresting conference room was set up.

The chief was quiet for a long time.

"I see." He said finally his voice low, angry and dangerous.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't let you waste any more time watching your son when there is hardly any evidence against him." Ide said looking resolute. "I think that maybe this case has become too personal for you-"

The door slammed loudly behind the chief before Ide could finish.

"Well that went well." Mogi said his hands shaking.

"I would _not_ want to be on the other end of his anger right now." Ide said shaking his head.

"Think we should warn Light-kun? I mean I've seen the chief angry before…" Aizawa said warily.

"L and Watari-san are with him, Light-kun will be fine." Ide said his gaze returning to the screen.

They were so close….

#$% #$% #$% #$%

Before nightfall Light had replaced all of the light bulbs that needed replacing, fixed the sink and toilet, replaced the seal on the door and oiled the squeaky hinges. Watari had been more than a little exasperated to find this out of course since Light was clearly _supposed_ to be on bed rest but L found it amusing. Another facet that he hadn't paid attention to in Light, another thing that he'd missed in his _need_ for Light to be Kira. Now Light was standing precariously on a ladder gloved hands pulling out the broken pane of glass and carefully placing it into a trash bag to be disposed of.

"Light-kun?" Sayu said staring up at him in shock.

"How did this window break?" Light asked as he reached for the replacement and carefully set it into the space.

"The kids down the street hit it with their softball, it didn't go through but it left a crack- why aren't you resting?" She said shaking her head. Light smiled faintly.

"You know me Sayu; I couldn't just _sleep_ all day." He said shaking his head. "I've done enough sleeping lately…" He muttered to himself. Sayu's expression hardened and became sad before softening and full of love and self-loathing. L watched the transition with interest. Unlike Light every emotion could easily be read from.

"Yeah I know you Light-nisan." She said somberly her expression falling. "That's why I know that you feel guilty for not being here, that's why you're fixing the window. You always used to do that stuff but I didn't notice." She said softly. "You were always fixing the house, doing the things that dad should have been doing, you were always so responsible." She said sadly. "But you don't have to be any more Light-kun, mom and I can take care of ourselves, you should go, live your life not stuck here trying to fix what can't be fixed. No matter how many broken windows you fix, this home will still be broken and the cracks will show."

Light stared at her in shock.

"Sayu-" But she was already slipping past L and into her room leaving Light to face the sound of her door slamming. L watched Light carefully. Watched the blood drain from his face as he slowly clambered down from the ladder his expression one that L had never seen before. It made L want to reach out and cling to Light. It reminded him too much of the young boy he'd been strapped in the ruins of Russia, cold and alone.

"Light-kun-"

"LIGHT!" Light flinched and nearly stumbled as the front door slammed open and Chief Yagami stormed in his eyes alight with something dangerous. "How could you Light?" The man said his eyes glittering as he prowled closer. "I raised you to do good! I made sure you knew the difference between what is right and what is wrong!"

L felt himself freeze as the man grabbed Light by the back of his shirt and threw him against the opposite wall. L couldn't move, it was loud and Chief Yagami looked fit to kill. L knew eyes like those-

_-Red glittering eyes staring down at him with so much hatredand fanatical love, so much violence-_

"Father?!" Light gasped his body jerking in pain.

"I let you come with me, I taught you what the real world was like and _this_ is what you do?! I _backed_ you! I supported you and went along with L's crazy idea to _protect_ you and _this_ is how you repay me!" The man roared gripping the front of Light's shirt and punching him squarely causing his nose to let out a sickening crack.

L couldn't move, couldn't do anything to protect Light. Watari was gone doing shopping with Light's mother- what did he do? What _could_ he do? He couldn't move! He was frozen in terror.

"Father!" Sayu stood at the head of the stairs watching them in shock her eyes filling with tears.

"Go to your room Sayu or I _swear_ you'll be next!" The man roared. Sayu's expression twisted and she let out a sob.

"I _hate_ you father!" She gasped before rushing back to her room. L watched her go in horror, no, she couldn't leave! He didn't know what to do! He couldn't stop it! He was useless!

"This is your fault Light!" The man roared lifting Light by the shirt and slamming him against the wall his hands wrapping around the pale column of Light's throat. L was certain Light's wounds had reopened that time.

"Fath-ugh!" The chief's hands wrapped around Light's throat tightly his eyes ferocious and glittering with madness.

"I'll kill you Kira! I'll kill you for all you've done to my family!" Light's eyes widened, bulging as his father choked him. L snapped to attention. No! Not Light! He managed to make his shaking limbs work and reached out grasping the man around the middle and pulling with all his strength but the chief was beyond him and knocked him back violently causing him to fall into the ladder.

L watched with wide eyes as the trash bag on the highest step flew off with the force of his fall and was propelled forward.

SHHHHICK!

The thick triangle of glass cut right through the chief's work shirt and sank deeply into his back causing him to choke and gurgle.

Light stared at the piece protruding from the front of his father's shirt bloodied and jagged.

Light's mother screamed from where she stood at the base of the stairs watching it all unfold.

Watari subtly slipped his gun back into its place.

Sayu wept as her trembling hand set down the pen her father's name staring up at her accusingly in her own short bubbly Kanji.

Ryuuk chuckled lowly his eyes glowing in the dim light of the room.

Oh…this would be fun…


	3. Chapter 3

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**Hehe, so as a writer I've shot Light six times, destroyed his family and gave him a few developing psychological disorders...I think I can forgive him now...well, after this chapter anyway...then I can forgive him- but he's still a diva. Lol so you guys are pretty lucky, originally I think I planned to update only once a week- thus the long fifteen to twenty page chapters- but you guys are getting them twice a week which is like, around thirty to forty pages which I can break down and say about an hour of writing every six or seven pages- you do the math anyway, I'm just saying- you peoples hit the jackpot with this story. Ah, and I also uploaded the next chapter of Elite book two...which is also pretty long. Love you all!**

**Happy Friday!**

**Mistress Slytherin**

**WARNINGS:**

**HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS**

**NOT FOR THE EYES OF THE YOUNG**

**VIOLENT SITUATIONS**

**BLOODSHED **

**AU**

**MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS**

**DOMESTIC ABUSE**

**Let me know if I missed anything?**

**PART 1**

Chapter 3

_Standing on Uneven Ground_

"Light-kun…" Mogi said his voice low and his eyes dark. Light glanced up at the man as the chill seeped into his bones. His face was bruised and swollen still and the purpling bruises had yet to fade around his neck. L scooted closer still an ever present shadow that seemed to warm him somehow- it really was good to have a friend right now. Sayu and his mother couldn't even look at him any more.

"I'm sorry Light-kun; we should have warned you that he was in a rage." Aizawa said softly as he came up beside him. Light nodded his head slowly.

"I've decided to go back to school; I want to finish my term in University." Light said evenly. The others nodded.

"You'll have all our recommendations if you still feel like being an officer." Ide said with a stiff nod. Light nodded in return.

"Everything will be arranged so that they don't give you trouble coming back to school after so long." Aizawa added. Light nodded.

"Thank you." He said swallowing thickly against the soreness in his throat.

"Anything you need kid." Mogi said seriously. Light nodded numbly.

"We have Kyosuke Higuchi in custody Light, the Kira case is nearly over so take it easy okay?" Ide added looking guilty. Light nodded.

"I'll be glad when no one remembers his name." Light said shaking his head. The others nodded slowly in understanding.

"Remember Light-kun, anything you need." Mogi said again causing Light to smile a thin wane smile before nodding and watching as they drifted away along with others that had attended the funeral.

L tugged on his sleeve after a long numb moment and Light turned slightly.

"Does Light-kun need a hug?" L said quietly his gaze unsure and as socially awkward as ever. Light shook his head.

"No Ryuuzaki I'll be fine." He said tiredly. L looked up at him for another moment his gaze intense.

"Can _I_ have a hug then?" He requested in a still small voice. Light felt his heart clench. Of course, L was having a hard time too, Light's father had triggered something in him, he was suffering from flash backs frequently. Light sighed and wrapped his arms around L pulling him close.

"Yeah." He said swallowing as L pressed against him. They both needed it to be honest but Light was used to being the strong one and holding L was…well it felt wonderful despite the fact that it was unusual. He sighed tiredly and sank closer to L relaxing when he felt a long fingered hand rise to settle on the back of his neck. L was ever wary of his wounds which had been torn when he'd been thrown against the wall and his hand was light and cool against the inflamed circle around his neck reminding him that he was alive.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

"You know, you don't have to come to school with me Ryuuzaki." Light said amused to see the other man following him out the door.

"And you no longer need to continue to live at home; you have the means now to own your own home if you so wished." L countered skittering a few steps forward to keep up with him. Light looked away.

"I can't just move out right now, my mom and sister shouldn't be alone." He said tiredly. L frowned.

"The life insurance that your father had both from working with the police and from working with me as well as the rather sizable amount he kept in a savings account is enough to keep both your sister and your mother comfortable for the rest of their lives." He noted. "Light-kun should come live with me." He added Light snorted. It figured L didn't quite get things like this; Light had a suspicion that it was some form of autism.

"Yes but we are a family L. and family sticks together in circumstances like these." He tried to explain. "Besides, you don't really want me to live with you, you can barely stand me, che, I can barely stand me right now." L frowned at him and nodded his head. It was true they were at each other's necks all the time these days- but at the same time Light couldn't help but feel like he couldn't be _without_ L.

"At any rate why are we taking the bus to school? It must be cumbersome for Watari to follow us at such a slow speed." L said drawing Light's focus and glancing behind him. Light frowned and snorted at the sight of the familiar expensive car.

Watari…

Light sighed.

"Fine." He said feeling indulgent as L rushed for the car.

_Light-sama…._

Light jerked and turned sharply his eyes darting around the deserted street.

He could swear he'd heard someone...

"Light-kun?" L said popping his head out of the back seat of the car. Light frowned and shook his head before turning to the car and slipping in beside L. "Is Light-kun alright?" L asked cautiously as Light stared obsessively out the window. Light frowned.

"Just now, I thought I heard someone call my name." He said shaking his head. "Probably just the medicine." He said lightly. L frowned slightly.

"Your medication did not mention hallucinogenic effects as one of the side effects. Nor did it mention anything about making your hands shake." L pointed out as he caught one of Light's wrists and held it up for him to see the slight trembling. L would know too, he'd spent most of that morning reading them off and translating them into different languages just to annoy Light. Light shrugged.

"Stalker maybe? It wouldn't be the first time." He said shaking his head and pulling his hand away.

"Light-kun's super-ego knows no bounds." L said with a nod. "It is good to see that somethings do not change." Light snorted and glanced out the window-

Red eyes flashed from in the shade and Light blinked rapidly rage and fear rushing through him.

"Light-kun?" L said curiously. Light glanced back at him and noted that he had wound an arm around L pulling him tightly against him despite how irrational it was.

"L don't leave my side today, not even for a moment." Light said softly. L tensed and Watari glanced at him from the rear view mirror.

"Light-kun?" Watari said curiously.

"I have a bad feeling, a very bad feeling." Light said softly his gaze intense.

"Of course Light-kun." Watari said with a nod. "I will stay close by as well; we can inform the office that you are under protective detail until the Kira case is closed." He said smoothly. Light generally didn't like the idea of being followed around all the time but he'd grown used to Watari trailing along and it would be slightly more calming to have a trained sniper on hand.

"Thank you." He said glancing back out the window. But the eyes were gone leaving a chill in him that he couldn't quite understand.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

"I see now that Light-kun wasn't exaggerating when he talked about girls following him around." L said with wide eyes as he and Light struggled to keep the doors closed protecting them from the raging fan girls.

"Is this a part of the Japanese culture Light-kun?" Watari said looking slightly worried himself as he helped them by finding the small octagonal key and locking the others out. Light sighed.

"It's only because I was on the news recently, this happened when I made top grades in the whole nation in primary school, I did one interview and had to install double locks on all the doors to our house. Eventually my father had to have a few of his men wait in front of our house for a few days to discourage them." Light said stepping further into the empty gym with trepidation.

"I never read about any of this." L said narrowing his eyes. Light huffed.

"It was embarrassing really, for our whole family; father made sure there were no records of it and forbid me from doing interviews again." Light said his gaze turning distant.

"We'll be late for your lecture at this point." Watari noted.

"No." Light said smirking as several guys rushed in gesturing wildly with their hands. "We'll get there." He said grasping L's wrist and dragging him along after him.

"I thought this might happen Yagami-san, the moment I heard about what happened I got the other guys together." The tall dopy looking guy with wild hair said grinning.

"Light-kun?" L said somewhat amused as he was dragged along.

"Oh hiya! We're Yagami-san's loyal-"

"And mischievous!" Another shorter guy who's cap seemed too big for his head.

"Anti-Stalker Team." The guy said in horrible english with a wide grin.

"Ryuuzaki Hideki pleased to meet you." L said with wide unblinking eyes as the one boy pulled out a set of keys.

"We managed to get the janitor to help us out Yagami-san." One of the guys said as the door was opened.

"This is a direct rout to your lecture hall." The other said with a nod.

"Light-kun?" L said curiously his body subconsciously moving closer to him.

"They were having trouble in high school." Light said moving closer in worry.

"We were _failing_." One of the guys said bluntly.

"Thought about dropping out, joining one of the street gangs."

"But then Yagami-san decided to tutor us."

"He was pretty forceful."

"But we graduated because of him."

"We'd be on the streets if it weren't for him."

All of this was said as they made a rush through the empty hall and towards a wheelchair access only elevator.

"Hey what happened to the old guy that was with you?" One of the guys said curiously.

"He'll turn up." Light said wryly. L glanced at him and gave him a small smirk as they stepped into the elevator.

And here L had been trying to convince him that school was boring.

The doors opened and the other guys took a quick look around before nodding back at him.

"Alright Cheesy go make a distraction." The taller of them said. Light didn't wait to see what happened after the short knit capped kid darted through the crowd and screams let out. He was busy rushing L to the classroom without being seen. Luckily they managed to slip through before anyone could notice him too distracted by the nonsense going on outside. Light walked sedately to his seat looking for all the world as though nothing had happened. Watari's eyes glittered as he pulled out Light's seat for him.

"Ten minutes early Light-kun, well done." He said amused. L shook his head slowly and pushed his face into Light's shoulder sniggering lowly his body shaking with the effort not to laugh. Light stared at him stunned. That was the first time he'd seen L laugh. That he was the one to do it was a good feeling, it lit something up inside him and his earlier darker anger was eased a bit by the sound. Light glanced up when the professor cleared his throat and snorted when he realized how awkward and exaggerated L's laughter actually was, but really it fit L's personality. L sobered after a moment and hid his mouth with a large hand.

"Light-kun." He said with wide eyes his voice muffled a bit.

"It's good to hear you laugh Ryuu." He said schooling his features. L sniggered again before shifting in his seat and pulling a lollipop from his pocket opening the wrapper with a loud obnoxious sound. Light sighed and opened his bag pulling out his notebook not responding to L's obvious ploy to annoy him.

Watari covered his laugh with a delicate cough.

% #$% #$% #$% #$%

"FINE! TAKE IT TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!"

Mogi watched in shock as Kyosuke Higuchi collapsed forward in his seat his head lolling to the side.

"That's…" Ide said softly.

"Just like Misa-chan and Light-kun." Aizawa whispered.

"Shit." Mogi whispered. "What the hell is this? Some sort of demon possession?" He hissed.

"There's no way they would otherwise." Ide said shaking his head. "I've known Light-kun since he was four; he wouldn't hurt a fly, not to mention that he took the shot for L- Kira wouldn't have done that." He said shaking his head.

"So what exactly is Kira?" Aizawa said rubbing his face.

"Shinigami?!" Mogi said half exaggerated. The silence followed him though.

Shinigami?

It couldn't be!

But- people dying without any weapon, no evidence? People simply forgetting that they were Kira? What else _could _it be?

"Okay…hypothetically speaking, say it _was_ a shinigami." Ide said slowly.

"Hypothetically." Mogi agreed quickly.

"And say it _was_ Light-kun that was the first Kira…how would the shinigami convince someone like Light-kun to kill hundreds of people?" Ide said holding out a hand in disbelief. The others stared forward not truly willing to believe it but knowing that it was their duty to revisit the idea. Mogi was the first to understand his face paling and his eyes widening as he lifted his head causing them to catch the thought.

"His family." They chorused.

#$% #$% #$% #$%

Light felt a tingle along his spine all day, as though something was wrong, something he couldn't quite figure out. L noticed of course as had Watari but aside from a few sideways looks neither of them had mentioned his distracted state. Though he did note that the number of agents keeping watch on them increased as the day went by. With his last class of the day done though and Light's shifting grown more noticeable L couldn't hold back any more.

"Light-kun looks worried." L said softly.

"I have a bad feeling." Light said frowning. And didn't that sound insane?

"Shall we call the investigation team?" L asked curiously.

"I think I'm just being paranoid." Light said with a wince. He didn't want to talk to the investigation team, if he could he'd forget every moment of the last three years and return to just being Light, star student and perfect son. L seemed to read his thoughts- which was odd considering that L had a hard time understanding anyone else, though Light supposed that it could be a side effect of seeing Light as a criminal he wanted to catch for so long.

"It is nearly time for you're next dose of medicine Light-kun." Watari reminded. "The doctor did mention that the medication might make you jittery." The man said with a nod. Light nodded slowly though he didn't believe it, something was _wrong_. He sighed and slipped into the car with L.

"I hope mother has lunch ready I am hungry." Light said instead.

"Yes I believe she was going to make your favorite today to celebrate you're return to school." Watari agreed lightening up a bit. Light smiled slightly and watched the trees pass. Eventually he frowned.

"It's spring." He said dully. Watari glanced at him from the rear view mirror.

"January twenty-third to be precise." He said with a nod. Light swallowed.

"I missed Christmas with them." He said softly. Watari glanced up at him again and nodded solemnly before returning his gaze to the road.

"I was unaware that your family was in the habit of celebrating Christmas." L said with a frown. Light shrugged.

"Everyone celebrates it here." He said.

"Oh dear." Watari said softly. Light frowned and leaned forward to look out the windshield.

Police cars….ten of them...in front of his house.

Light fumbled with the lock as panic grew and increased ten fold.

"Light-kun..!" L said alarmed. Light forced the door to open and pushed out of the car pushing L off of him and stumbling out. He made a run for his house bolting past an officer and through the front door-

"Light-kun…" Mogi said looking pale. But Light could hardly see him past the dizzy feeling.

ALL HAIL KIRA!

Written in blood.

On his living room wall.

"N-Nonoonononon-no!" He pushed past Ide ignoring the pain in his shoulder where two of the bullet wounds tore open.

They were-

-Were-

"Oh god." Light turned his head and threw up violently. His mother and sister- why? Why was Sayu home? She should have been at school…why?

A banner hung above them.

WELCOME HOME LIGHT!

He felt his heart break.

A surprise party…a welcome home party…

Oh god…

Sayu…

His mother…

Torn to pieces…

Eyes- the eyes were gouged out and, and fingers…thumb and index finger on the right hand, the one you write with.

Slim arms wrapped around his middle as he fell to his knees.

The fingers you write with.

"L…L why?" He whispered. "Why L? Did-is this my fault too?" He breathed. Kira…kill Kira…Kira is dead…Kira-but why are they?" He couldn't speak, couldn't make sense of it. He'd been to hundreds of crime scenes far worse than this one but this…

"I am…I am sorry Light-kun." L said his voice trembling. "I am most certain that this is B's handy work." L said quietly. Light blinked slowly.

"B?" He whispered. But why? Why would B attack his family?

"Light-kun…" Aizawa was shifting from one foot to the other back and forth before glancing at the others. "I'm sorry Light-kun but there is something that you need to see." The man said with a nod from Mogi. Light nodded slowly.

No….

No….

Sayu…

His mother…

His father…

He had done this.

His family was paying the price for his crimes.

And that was perhaps the worst punishment of all.

#$%^#$%^#$%^#$%^#%

Light felt his breath catch as he stepped into the dimly lit room.

"I told you I didn't want any part of this!" He snapped finally his voice nearly hysterical. He'd been calm for a majority of the ride here, just staring ahead in shock while L clutched his hand. Now though he was stiff, eyes wild.

"I'm afraid you don't have any choice Light-kun." Ide said softly before turning to the screens and pushing a button. The image of Misa appeared on the screen from back when she had been interrogated.

"No more! I give up!" She cried out. She shook her head and then nodded briefly before slumping forward.

"Misa-Misa-chan?" L's voice came out warped and mechanic. Misa raised her head slowly.

"Hey…Hey what is this?!"

"Misa-chan-" The image froze and Ide lifted another remote pointing to another screen. In this one Light was bound and blindfolded panting slightly.

"Alright…" he said tiredly. "Alright I give up; I give up this farce…" And then Light's head was sinking down into his chest.

"Light-kun?" L was saying over the microphone. Light lifted his head.

"Where-? Hey what is this? Why? Ryuuzaki let me out-"

In real time Light could already see where this was going as Kyosuke Higuchi's image appeared on the screen tied to a chair and panting his eyes blindfolded. The man groaned and grit his teeth hard before-

"FINE! TAKE IT! TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!"

Before his head dropped forward.

"Wh-What is the meaning of this?! I'll sue! Get me out of here!"

The screen flickered off and Light stared at it vaguely.

"I don't…" He blinked slowly.

"Remember?" Ide said nodding slowly. "Neither does Kyosuke Higuchi, or Misa-Misa, though we've already put them through severe psychotherapy to try to uncover the lost memories. So far there is nothing, though the doctors did find severe swelling in both their temporal lobes when they ran a cat scan." He said with a nod. "We checked the exam done to you while you were in the hospital as well; there are signs of the same trauma." He said with a nod. Light shook slowly.

"What…what…?"

"Our theory is that someone approached you, and Misa, and Kyosuke Higuchi." Mogi said with a nod.

"They used some form of hypnosis." Aizawa said pointedly.

"And threatened your family." Ide said grimly. "To ensure that the hypnosis remained until you said a key phrase, which would cause you to forget ever having met them."

"Misa-Misa's family was already dead though." L said quietly. Mogi shrugged.

"It's a theory in progress." He said with a nod. "We don't know what they might have held over her head, but every one has a breaking point."

"Then I was Kira?" Light said his voice ragged, he almost…almost _hoped _that they would find out, that he could be punished and be done with it.

"No, not exactly." Ide said shaking his head.

"You were chosen to lead me off Kira's trail." L said in realization. "But that would mean that Kira approached you again, tried to get you to do become a diversion for him again because you were the best fit- but you wouldn't do it." L said staring at Light with wide eyes.

"So Kira controlled the chief." Aizawa said somberly. "And killed him just before he could kill Light-kun." He said his voice thick.

"And when Light-kun _still_ wouldn't do it…" Ide said somberly. L stiffened.

"Earlier today you said you heard a voice." He said his face pale.

"He sent B to kill them because I refused to help." Light said coming to the conclusion they were leading to. Light swallowed. It fit so perfectly, without even trying, that there was no way that it could be coincidence.

The writing on the wall.

All hail Kira.

B had done this to keep him cleared of all suspicion.

B had killed his family to keep him innocent.

It was his fault…again.

"Light-kun?" L whispered.

"I don't…what…" He sank down his legs giving out from under him.

"Light-kun your wounds!" He heard Watari say distantly.

The world was getting smaller and his chest _hurt_.

He clutched at it in agony and shouting surrounded him.

He felt as though there was a weight there, boring him down.

Was he going to die?

Did he even care any more?

#$% #$% #$% #$% #$%

He wanted to believe that it was all just a bad dream, that he had been in a coma, none of it had happened. He was going to wake up and find L there watching him while Watari served tea. His father would be too busy to visit of course but his mother would be there, upset but glad that he was alive. Sayu would scold him but that was just because she was scared and didn't know what to do- Light smiled faintly as he imagined it. It was all just a bad dream, perhaps he had seen the future as a side effect of the piece of the death note Ryuuk had fed him? He could change it all now, make it better, he could change that fate.

_Light-kun. Wake up._

He shivered at the sound. He could stay asleep a little while longer couldn't he? He could go back to that dream, back to the time where his biggest problems had been trying to gain his father's attention without disappointing him. A time where sheer boredom seemed to be the only threat to his life…

"Light-kun, wake up _now_."

But it all came crashing down on him as his eyes snapped open regardless of what he wanted.

Everyone was dead.

It was just him now.

He sucked in a painful gasping breath and arched from the bed his eyes wide as agony raced through him. He breathed loudly and heavily as though each was his last and his body trembled shivering. He was cold, so cold, and they were dead, and L was watching him with wide eyes.

They were gone.

And the only thing he could think to do was cry.

Because he knew intuitively that he'd just survived the death note.

He couldn't die.

He could never ever die.

And gods did he want to die right now.

"Light-kun." L whispered softly not understanding his eyes wide. Light blinked slowly and blinked again as his vision blurred and returned to its self.

And there it was.

L's name.

Light let his eyes fall shut.

He didn't want to know. He didn't want to see the date beside L's name that pronounced when he would die, he didn't want that hanging over his head while he still lived.

"Light-kun we've dimmed the lights; you can open your eyes now." A woman said appearing pale and frightened by something. Light turned his head towards her voice and cracked one eye open sighing when her name remained unknown to him.

"Thank's" He croaked lifting his hands to wipe at his face.

"You had a heart attack." L said quietly. Light nodded slowly.

"I figured." Light said rubbing his face and then his bruised chest.

"But you are alive." L said after a moment. "No one else has survived Kira." L said tucking his chin into his knees.

"How do we know it was him?" Light asked curiously before drinking gratefully from a glass of water as it was placed at his lips by the nervous woman.

"Because B has admitted to being Kira all along, and he has sent us a letter stating that he killed you." L said frowning as though Light should know this. Should he know this? Light rubbed his aching head.

"Did I forget something again?" He asked after a moment.

"What is the last thing you remember?" L said softly. Light swallowed thickly and shivered- why was it so cold in here?

"My family, and then we were watching the feed of the interrogations." Light said taking a shaky breath.

"It has been forty-eight hours since we brought you here." L said with a nod. "It is my assumption that whomever the last Kira was has been terminated, Kira seems to be a separate entity, some refer to him as a shinigami, others like Kyosuke Higuchi referred to him as a demon or in Misa-Misa's case a guardian angel." L said with a nod. Light blinked slowly feeling oddly tired but nodded glancing at the woman who slipped out of the room without another word.

"Is it safe to be talking about Kira in front of her?" He asked curiously.

"She is one of my agents Light-kun." L said with a nod. Light frowned.

"Why was I brought here? If B thought he'd killed me then there would be no reason for him to come after me." He said shaking his head. L shrank slightly further into his crouch.

"Light-kun." Watari said softly. "It has been forty-eight hours since you were brought here, and seventy-two hours since you were confirmed dead." He said somberly. Light stared at him. "This is the morgue Light-kun." Watari said with a nod. Light shook slightly.

"That's impossible." He whispered his breath hitching.

"I have witnessed more than one impossibility today." L said softly. Light shook his head.

"No that is medically impossible are you sure I wasn't in a coma or something?" He said rubbing his face tiredly.

"Light-kun I am sorry but we performed several tests to prove that you were dead, rigor mortis had already begun to settle in." Watari said shaking his head.

"Our belief is that at some point B abducted you and performed several experiments on you." L said softly. "Similar to the ones he performed on me." He said picking at the skin on his hands as a nervous gesture. Light knew it must be bothering L, usually the man hid his nerves through some oral fixation or another.

"L cut his hand in the rush to get the EMP." Watari said softly. "Within moments it healed." He said quietly.

"But I'm…alive." Light said lifting his hand and touching his heart which was beating regularly.

"Light-kun, I know that you wish to no longer be a part of the Kira investigation team, but I fear that you have no choice." L said shaking his head. Light nodded his head slowly.

"What about school? I want to finish." He said as firmly as he could.

"You will complete your education at a specialized school." Watari jumped in causing L's eyes to widen slightly before returning to normal.

"Yes, that would be good; however…I find the thought of being separated from Light-kun detestable." L said quietly. Light blinked slightly. Well they were friends he supposed, and L _was _still very much traumatized from his time spent in B's hands. Light grit his teeth.

"No, I'll join the team again. I want to catch B, I want-" He swallowed thickly and his eyes fell closed. "I want to kill him." He admitted no matter how dangerous it could be to say so. When he opened his eyes though L simply nodded.

"I do not think you are Kira any more Light-kun. It is natural to want to kill the person who has destroyed your life. I too sometimes find myself musing over thoughts of how best to murder B." He said confidently. Watari snorted slightly before leaning over and wrapping a blanket around Light's shoulders.

"Until we find B I think it would be wise for him to be unaware that Light-kun has survived lest he decide that the experiment was a success and continue to perfect it using other innocent people." Watari said with a smile as he handed Light a steaming cup of tea. L simply stood.

"I'm tired of talking in a refrigerator." He said blandly before grasping Light's free hand and tugging. Light snorted and handed his tea back to the amused Watari before slipping a leg off the edge of the flat table he was laid out on.

"Err, can I have some clothes?" He asked curiously. L frowned.

"I don't care if you are naked Light-kun; I have seen you naked before." He said insistently. Light sighed and wrapped the blanket around his waist and into a clumsy knot at his side. When he turned back L's eyes were trailing his front in a calculating way.

"L?" Light asked tilting his head to the side.

"Don't die again Light-kun." Was all L said before turning and tugging a rather confused Light out of the room.

"L was quite distressed at your death Light-kun." Watari mused as he followed them out tea mysteriously gone from his gloved hands. Light took a moment to wonder where the tea had come from in the first place.

"Really? I thought you'd be glad to have me gone." Light teased only to grunt when a fist knocked into his jaw. L gazed at him with glittering dark eyes.

"Don't even joke like that Light-kun." L seethed. Light stared at him in shock before wincing as a slight tugging sensation rippled through the area where L had hit him, by the time L had dragged him down several hallways and through a familiar door Light felt no pain. Light stiffened slightly as they entered the room they had shared while Light had been cuffed to L.

"L…" Light said frowning.

"Light-kun will not leave my side again; Light-kun will stay with me at all times." L said stubbornly. Light frowned. His death…it had really shaken L hadn't it? He reached out with his free hand and found himself pulling L close. L sagged against him and trembled slightly. "Light-kun is still cold." He hissed before dragging Light to the bathroom and pushing him into the shower turning to taps on hot. He climbed in after Light not caring about his clothes and wrapped himself around Light unwilling to let him go. Light flushed slightly but wrapped his arms around L hoping to somehow calm him. He tried to think about what it must have felt like for L to lose Light. He wondered if it was anything like what Light felt when L disappeared and found himself pulling L even closer.

"I'm sorry L." He said softly as the water beat down on him.

"Light-kun isn't allowed to die again." L demanded. Light let out a dismayed laugh.

"L…L can I tell you the truth?" He said his eyes filling with tears. "I would rather have died than my mom and Sayu L…I'm not _worth_ it." He rasped.

"Because you were Kira?" L asked quietly. Light stiffened. Of course L might not want to believe that Light was Kira, but there was still that doubt in him. Did it matter? Did it truly matter any more? He deserved whatever L dished out but-

"I'm scared L." He whispered.

"Who is Light-kun scared of?" L asked softly. "Me? Kira? B?" He offered. Light felt himself sag slightly against L.

"I'm scared of me L." He whispered. L tensed.

"Why?" L asked softly slowly forcing himself to relax. Light felt his tears start afresh. B had sorted everything out so well, had given him an out- he could walk out of this an innocent man- but he wasn't innocent, and his family had paid the price for it. And he couldn't even die. They could torture him for the rest of his miserable existence and it still wouldn't be enough, not enough to wash the blood off his hands, not enough to bleach the memory of their mangled bodies in his mind's eye.

"Hurt me L, break me, make me suffer until all I see is red, kill me again and again and again-" His voice broke. "I know your name L." He whispered causing L to tense against him. Light swallowed thickly. L was afraid of him…it made his heart ache. "I won't use it! Never!" He wrenched away from L and scrambled through the drawers of the bathroom.

"Light-kun!" L said alarmed. Light caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and his fist reeled back lashing out. NO! His hand shattered the mirror in a satisfying crunch but it wasn't enough. He needed to destroy his hands, trap his fingers, rip them off like B had ripped off Sayu's and his mothers. They needed to break and bleed and never be used again-!

"Light-kun?! Light-kun! Light!" Some was grabbing him pulling him back from the shattered bloodied image of himself.

"No, no I'll hurt you!" He seethed "I'll hurt everyone!" He threw the arms off and scrabbled for a long sharp shard of glass.

"Light-kun!" Light was yanked back his wet feet slipping on the slick tile until he was falling back into L. The shard of glass glinted up at him as he stared at it and he stared at L's terrified reflection in the red smeared reflection. L…L was afraid of him. He felt the shard slip from his fingers and clatter against the floor.

"There is a note book." Light whispered his body shuddering as his mind caught up to him. But there was nothing that could stop him now. "Give me a knife L and I will cut off my own fingers." He swore.

"I'm pretty certain that, that isn't possible." L said his breath quivering. Light let out a choked laugh.

"You're right, of course you're right." He breathed trying to struggle free of L. But the man wouldn't let him go. Light sighed and relaxed. He could feel the injuries to his hands healing already. "I never thought it would be this way you know." Light whispered. "I knew…I knew it would be bad if anyone ever got the notebook but I didn't want it any more. Killing criminals sounds good and just when you can't see them, when they're far away and everyone says how great you are for getting rid of them. But I didn't want it, not after I realized it was real, I didn't want it at all, but if I didn't use it Ryuuk would get bored, he would get bored and he might kill me and take it away. I thought I could handle it, I thought it was better for me to kill them, to be like a god doling out judgment, then to face the fact that it was real, that I could kill just by writing a name in a book- what the _hell_ is that? I thought it was a sick joke. It shouldn't be so easy, so clean, it was just like another homework assignment, and the more I did it the more I forgot that they were people. Just copying names down, making my father's work easier giving justice where the law had failed…it was _right_." He whispered.

His heavy breathing filled the silence.

"Until Misa-chan came to me, she was copying me, she was- I took the book away from her so that she couldn't kill me, and because I knew then that in the wrong hands the death note could hurt innocent people." He laughed. "What does it matter? Killing is killing, I was a murderer but I just couldn't admit it, I was everything father ever hated but at least then he was finally acknowledging me. It's cheap isn't it? That after all that, even when I wanted to get rid of it, he was probably the real reason I kept doing it. Part of him was glad to see them die; there was a satisfaction there, in seeing these people finally pay for their crimes. Part of him probably knew all along but it was only when I started changing- when I stopped listening to him-"

"Light-kun." L said quietly. Light shook his head.

"Not yet I know you're recording this." He said his eyes half closed. "Watari is probably watching, ashamed of me…he should be. But I'm not done yet L, because the worst of it is that I still don't care about those criminals. It was just a game, a competition against you, against my father- something to ease the boredom to get my mind to stop trying to claw its way out of my head in frustration at how _easy_ everything was. It wasn't real until you came too close, until I let the death note go and let you take me in. You-" He broke off and turned to look a L seeing for the first time just how much L had come to mean to him. It scared him, more than admitting that he was Kira, more than admitting that he was flawed it scared him to know that L was all he had left. Everyone else was dead…he'd killed them. "L…" He whispered. Dark fathomless eyes stared at him for a long moment.

"Watari turn off the recording." L said quietly. Light didn't know if it went off or not, he couldn't even think about camera's when L was leaning closer and brushing their lips together in a chaste kiss his hand coming up to caress his cheek. "Now," L said quietly his breath hot against Light's tingling lips. "Tell me everything Kira."


	4. Chapter 4

**Right...I forgot to mention in the warnings before that there are hints of a Dom/sub relationship going on, mostly it's just a power play between Light and L though, nothing too vivid...I think...Lol you've been warned. :)**

**Mistress Slytherin**

**WARNINGS:**

**HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS**

**NOT FOR THE EYES OF THE YOUNG**

**VIOLENT SITUATIONS**

**BLOODSHED **

**AU**

**MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS**

**DOMESTIC ABUSE**

**DOM/SUB HINTS...**

**Let me know if I missed anything?**

**PART 1**

Chapter 4

_Contrasting Colors_

"New information has come from one of my agents." L said before shuffling towards his desk. Light followed behind him silent and withdrawn his gaze on the floor. The Kira investigation team had been told that he was alive, but not how long he'd been dead. To them he'd had a heart attack and was somehow resuscitated, part of Light's punishment would be helping them find B as well as the death notes- he would have to grit his teeth and bear being praised when really he didn't deserve it. The rest of his punishment could come later he supposed, but he'd resigned himself to it; had told L everything he knew about the notes and the shinigami.

"L…this can't be real." Mogi said putting down the paper Watari had just handed him.

That was another part of his punishment Light supposed- Light couldn't even bear to _look_ at Watari after everything he'd done.

"There is a human being out there that is capable of killing from miles away without leaving evidence, Mogi, in fact we've been discussing demons and mind control- what's not to believe any more?" Ide said rubbing his face tiredly. After Light's families death the man seemed to feel he had a certain amount of responsibility towards this case, as though he could save Light some how- it made him want to scream.

L held out a lollipop to Light who frowned at it but accepted without fighting. If L thought he could kill Light through feeding him massive amounts of sugar than so be it, it sounded like something the quirky detective would try and at the moment Light sincerely wanted to die.

"Eat Light-kun." L said glancing at him and ignoring the others. Light shrugged and popped the candy into his mouth before following L to his seat. He wavered when faced with his own familiar desk though. "Light-kun should sit; he is not yet healthy enough to be standing for great lengths of time." L said not bothering to glance over at him. Light sat down quietly. The others glanced at each other and threw him looks of pity before continuing.

"A shinigami L?" Aizawa said incredulously. L turned to the computer and a series of images began to appear.

"This is not the first time this has happened; there is an object, a 'death note' as it is called in which the name of a person is written…"

Light tuned L out as he steadily educated the others on death notes and shinigami, the various mentions of it throughout history. The way he spun it made it sound as though the notes were probably stumbled across in some archeological dig before traveling from person to person like a disease.

"It is possible that this is how B was able to make Light,-kun and Misa-Misa do his bidding. He had the death note and would kill Light-kun's family if Light-kun did not agree to do as he was told. It is my hypothesis that Light-kun at one point realized what the book was that he was writing the names in was doing and tried to turn himself in to make B think that Light-kun had been captured by me. Light-kun waited until he believed himself to be useless B and gave up the note thusly forgetting everything in exchange for his family's safety." L said evenly.

Light felt the eyes boring down on him and shrank back into his seat.

"But then why would B choose to kill the Yagami family?" Aizawa said quietly.

"Because Light-kun rescued me." L said causing Light to flinch. "This angered B but he was unable to do anything to hurt Light-kun until he woke up from his coma, instead B focused his attention on the Yotsuba group." L said with a nod.

"Why would he do that though? If his main goal was to kill criminals why would he suddenly go corporate?" Ide demanded.

"Because B is like a child, and I suspect that killing criminals was only the start of a larger more elaborate game, B enjoys puzzles and mysteries, he enjoys chaos and thrives on manipulating others. Everything up until now has been a game to see what he is capable of doing. But the thing he adores most of all is gaining attention from people like Light-kun and myself, people who are abnormally intelligent." He said with a nod.

"You seem to already know a lot about B." Matsuda said frowning. "The rest of us don't even know what he looks like." He added. L nodded and clicked his mouse causing an enlarged image of B to appear on the screen. Light couldn't help it; he scooted closer to L and grasped his upper arm glaring at the image on the screen. The others gaped at the screen for a long moment.

"Uh…I don't suppose you're related?" Aizawa said slightly.

"B is a biological clone of myself, think of him as my evil twin." L said quietly. "You don't need to know anything aside from that and what I've told you, except that obviously he is dangerous, very, very dangerous and very, very intelligent." He said with a nod. The others frowned but they were used to the red tape by now and without Light's father backing them they weren't going to kick up a fuss. They knew L well enough to simply trust his word and it made Light feel ill to know that L was lying to them because of _him_. "Details of B are in the folder I've given you." L said quietly. Light glanced over when L's hand simply decided to settle on top of his head fingers sifting through his hair. Light frowned and tilted his head trying to dislodge the hand but L tightened his grip instead. Light grit his teeth, fine, whatever. He relaxed and glanced at L who smiled faintly before resuming his petting.

"But if this is true then Light-kun was Kira." Mogi said staring hard at Light who stiffened and glanced at L.

"And yet he, like Misa-Misa has no recollection of being Kira. No in fact I believe that 'kira' is in fact the Shinigami. My agent has in formed me that there are two shinigami that we know of, one attached to each death note. The one shinigami is obsessed with Misa-misa for some reason; however the second has no such attachments, in fact the second shinigami fits Kira's profile almost exactly. All this time we have been assuming that Kira was one single person, however Light-kun myself and my agent have come to the conclusion that Kira is in fact two people." L said his hand finally retreating from Light's hair.

"B and the shinigami?" Ide guessed his eyes scanning over the words on the file L had set up for them. "Yes I can see it now; B was created to be the next L wasn't he? Clones of you to replace you should anything happen to you." He said darkly his eyes lifting. L simply stared at him for a long moment. "If he was created to be you he would have a strong sense of justice, the same intelligence and the same cold view of the world- he would even be childish like you." He said calmly. "Which fits the profile perfectly." L nodded slowly.

"The experiments were a failure though, B was half formed and in immense psychological distress he tried to become more like L to prevent being terminated however we could see that he was unstable." Watari said his voice calm and even. "It was never our intention to hurt anyone; in fact we believed that we were creating life, making leaps and bounds in the medical field. Imagine if you could have as many extra livers as you need on hand through science? A perefect genetic match." He said mildly.

"Instead we created B." L said quietly. "He was too smart to simply place in a mental facility and expect him to stay there, and too damaged physically to just ignore him. He was also human, and in agony, we had doctors that fixed him but the process was long and painful despite the medicine and I fear B's already unstable mind couldn't handle it." L said shaking his head.

"And he escaped? It says here that he was later discovered in America as a mass murderer and then imprisoned- but it says he was killed by Kira, how is that possible?" Aizawa said looking up from his file.

"A set up, he was made to look as though he died with all the other inmates and then secreted away out of prison." L said scooting closer to Light who leaned closer despite himself. Light felt eyes on him but didn't bother with them; L….L was everything now, all he knew, all he could know, because if he knew anything else he would destroy again. He would hurt others again, and he would risk L.

L was all that he had.

And it didn't rankle as much as he'd thought it would after he'd first admitted his crimes. Maybe because he had no pride left, how could he when all he could see were his mother and sister's bodies, the gaping wide mouthed horror of his father- his breath hitched slightly and he stood suddenly.

"Light-kun?" L said quietly. Light rubbed his face tiredly and sat back down.

"Sorry." He said not looking at anyone in particular.

"Watari tea?" L said mildly. Light flinched.

"No-no its fine I can get it-" the mere thought of Watari forced to look after him on L's whim made him feel like crying.

"I'm afraid that is not possible Light-kun." L said freezing him in his tracks. "You are not to leave the room that I am in; if you find this difficult to remember I will get the cuffs again." He said mildly his dark eyes lifting and landing on him like chips of ice. Light felt his fingers twitch slightly and the shift reminded him again of what he'd done, what those hands were capable of. He moved back to his chair and held out his hands to L.

"L…what is the meaning of this?" Aizawa demanded stiffly.

"Light cannot reconcile himself to the possibility that he helped Kira at one point even if he cannot remember it. He has requested that I keep an eye on him to prevent him from being manipulated again." L said distractedly. Light maintained his position hands in the air in offering. L could chop them off and Light would be glad for it.

"Ah." Again he could feel the looks of pity but they only made him flinch in shame. A hand settled against his cheek and L seemed quite suddenly right in front of him his large eyes serious.

"No Light-kun, I will take care of you later." He said softly his voice sending shivers of curiosity down Light's spine.

"L he needs _help_, not imprisonment, he needs a therapist!" Ide snapped. L's eyes darkened and turned slowly.

"Light needs whatever I give him; he also needs to remain hidden from B." L said his voice monotonous and yet chilling at the same time.

"L! The kid has been to his families' _murder_ scene!" Mogi snapped. Light flinched and sank further into himself. His fault- all his fault- everything was his fault he was supposed to protect them, supposed to take care of them!

"Light-kun is now my responsibility." L's voice cut through the chaos like a knife. "His safety and his well being are mine to worry about." L said darkly his voice foreboding. L would take care of everything. Light felt his breathing ease.

"He's right." Light said his voice gruff. "L is the one person I could not hurt I trust him to keep me from hurting anyone else." He breathed. "I've already told him that he can do what he wants, I won't fight it." He said swallowing. It was the least he deserved. There was a soft clink of china beside him and he stared in wonder at the steaming tea and the small plate with his medication and three small biscuits. "Thank you." He whispered. He supposed that this was some from of punishment as well. He took his medicine without fighting and sipped the tea surprised that it calmed him. He supposed that it had become a sort of ritual in the last year, drinking tea was becoming comforting. L smirked a small creepy smirk and Light frowned eyeing him suspiciously.

"Watari would not have put velum in your tea if he did not forgive you Light-kun." He said smirking. Light flinched and turned is gaze to where Watari was already retreating from the room.

Forgive him?

How?

He was irredeemable!

L sighed as Light's hands began to shake.

It was going to be a long day.

#$% #$%# $% #$%

B stared at the Shinigami blankly.

"What do you mean he's alive?" He whispered. He'd wanted to test Kira, wanted to make certain that he wasn't simply some mortal masquerading as a god. So he wrote Yagami Light's name in the death note. He was disappointed when Yagami died but decided that it was alright, Kira would have wanted him to continue his work.

"**_I mean what I said, Light-kun is alive_**." Ryuuk said with a shark-like grin. Of course he wasn't about to tell this crazy little human that he had known that Light would survive. It was much more fun watch the mortal struggle. Light-kun always provided him with the most amusing things, he supposed he couldn't even hold a grudge against Light-kun now; he'd paid the price for trying to screw Ryuuk over. Giving up the death note che! He never thought he'd see the day. But now Light-kun was all broken and wimpy cuz' his family was dead. Now _that_ had been fun. Ryuuk had thought the B guy would just take the death note from Light-kun's sister, he never expected him to kill them all! Hehehe, he just hoped Light-kun never figured out that Ryuuk had been a part of it all; the kid could hold a grudge.

"He is alive- Kira _is_ god!" B said reverently.

"**_Well yeah I guess so_**." Ryuuk reasoned. After all in a couple hundred years Light-kun would become a shinigami and Ryuuk knew for the fact that Light-kun had written down enough names to keep him going for a couple thousand years before he needed a new death note. It was strange though that Light-kun wasn't using his shinigami eyes, without them he couldn't see Ryuuk or Rem though both of them had visited at one point- Idiot Rem had gone and fallen in love with her human, now Misa-misa was married and couldn't remember Rem at all. Ryuuk chuckled as he wondered how long it would take for the marriage to go sour and Rem to sacrifice herself to save Misa-chan.

"He must be angry with me…I've messed everything up haven't I? Fooooolish!" The man said hitting himself on the head violently. "I must atone! But how!?" The man looked around frantically as though the bare hotel room could give him any answers, eventually though his gaze landed on the death note and a slow grin spread across his face.

Ooooh…this might be fun!

#$% #$% #$% #$%

"When Watari found me," L said quietly his voice breaking the silence.

It had been tense and quiet ever since he and L had slipped out of the main meeting room and had returned to their room. After Light's episode with the mirror L had moved them to a new room which L had assured him would withstand Light's destructive tendencies. Light hadn't even blinked when L pulled out the handcuffs and bound him to the bed frame. L had given him a book, climbed onto the other side of the bed and proceeded to work from his laptop, the clicking of the keyboard the only sound in the room for nearly two hours before L spoke. "I was hiding in the ruins of a building." L continued. "My family had been poor, had died off without anyone caring that they had children. We lived for a month in the apartment with their corpses before my older brother shot himself with my father's gun. Then it was just me, and one other brother. He stopped talking, stopped eating, and eventually stopped breathing, and then it was just me." L said quietly. "It was so cold that their bodies didn't rot right away, the smell didn't alert the neighbors, and it wasn't until they came looking for the rent that they realized what happened." Light said his fingers clicking away without hesitance. "There was no orphanage for a boy like me, I was out on the streets starving within a week, and then I found those ruins. There was a place that was small enough that I could stay there and keep warm. I stole a couple of fur coats from a fancy hotel, I stole food, I stole to survive." L said softly. "But then they came after me, or they found me, either way, I killed them." He admitted freely. "When Watari found me there were twelve bodies lined up. I was smart, a prodigy, and I had used my intelligence to survive. Watari gave me a second chance." L said blinking slowly before turning to Light who was staring at him with wide horrified eyes.

"L-"

"Do not speak." L said his eyelids drooping slightly. Light felt his jaw snap shut. "I have thought this through carefully Light-kun and I have come to my decision." He said unfolding himself and crawling closer to Light his hand reaching around and cradling the back of Light's scull as he moved his face closer to Light's. "In order for you to pay for your crimes Kira, you will spend the rest of your life by my side. If I die you will continue to help Watari and whoever I choose as my successor, this will continue until you die, you will help catch criminals and bring them to justice until the day that you die and you will _not_ ever pick up another of these death notes." He said quietly his voice firm and controlled. Light felt his throat tighten as he nodded silently. "For the rest of my life you will remain by my side." L demanded.

"Yes." Light agreed. L's fingers relaxed and Light's breath caught in his throat. "Why L?" He whispered. "You should kill me, torture me, throw me in a cell and leave me to rot- this, working with you is like a dream come true." He admitted with a thick bitter laugh. L cocked his head to the side.

"Because I'm selfish and I want you." L said easily. Light blinked.

"What?" Light whispered.

"You told me that you didn't feel guilty for killing those criminals, to you it was just a game, another responsibility. I must admit that being L is much the same, I solve crimes and catch criminals, but it is a game to me." He said smiling a thin creepy smile. "I've caught you now Kira and you are mine to do with as I like."

Light swallowed thickly but before he could even form a coherent thought L was swooping forward and kissing him. This time though it wasn't chaste, it was claiming and Light gasped at the intensity of it before a hand cupped him through his pants making him groan lost suddenly in the sensation.

What?

What was this?

Light had all but been sure that he was asexual, he'd never felt like _this_-

He whimpered as L grasped the chain connecting the cuffs and dragged him against his chest. Light found that he _had_ to fold into L; L was hunched over and twisted to the side leaving a niche that was just big enough for Light to be pressed into. It was warm and overwhelming and Light found himself feeling things that no one had been able to inspire in him before. L pulled away suddenly and Light panted in confusion and lust.

"Say it Kira, say my name." L breathed against his lips. Light couldn't help the whimper that escaped him.

"L I can't- I could never if I hurt you-" L gripped his chin and his dark eyes bore into his.

"Trust me Kira trust that I will keep you from ever writing another name down in the book." He whispered. Light grit his teeth. Trust him? Trust L?!

L pulled away suddenly leaving him feeling bereft and confused.

"I will protect you Light, and I will own Kira both of you will be mine, but not until you trust me." He said turning back to his laptop as though nothing had happened. Light sat there confused, bewildered and wanting for nearly an hour.

Why had L kissed him?

_Twice_

His mind supplied unhelpfully. Light swallowed. He hadn't even thought about it before, not in a realistic sense. There had been too much going on for him to give L's oddly clingy behavior much thought. Just what did L want from him? Sex? Light swallowed slightly at the thought. He'd done it with guys before, to get what he wanted, but only as a last resort. Sex changed people, made them obsessed and twice as frightening as before. He'd never understood it beyond that he could get almost anyone to do almost anything through sex.

But this was different.

L was the only friend he'd ever known, the only person that challenged him and drew him in, he was quirky and amusing, selfish and childish yet there was something old about him. Something wise and omniscient. And he'd almost lost that. The very thought of L trapped in B's grips made him angry, the thought of L dead because of him…Light found himself shifting forward and pressing against L's back. The man paused his typing briefly and glanced at Light before returning to whatever it was he was doing.

Light realized then that he had to learn to live with this one solid truth: he couldn't live without L.

L had wriggled himself into Light's life and had become a shadow that he couldn't bear the thought of losing. L could do what Light had never been able to do. Light had challenged him and challenged him over and over again as Kira but L always won.

L won.

He smiled faintly.

It was bitter and tired.

_He_ was bitter and tired.

"You win." He said softly. "L…Lawliet." He breathed.

He watched as a thin slow smile spread across L's face.

"Of course I do Kira-kun." He said snatching his hand back and dragging Light into another searing kiss. Light felt the fire ignite and spread through him making him hiss and twist closer. No one had ever done this to him before, why was L so different? He sank into the kiss fighting briefly for dominance simply because it was in his nature not to give in but in the end L won, he always won, and there was something comforting in the thought.

"Ahem." L paused his mouth still attached to Light's as he cracked an eye open and gazed at the computer screen. Light flushed but the hand around his neck tightened making him freeze the moment he even thought to pull away. L's lips parted from his slowly and his expression grew annoyed.

"Watari." He said frowning.

"I'm sorry to intrude L but I think you should see this." Watari said before a second window appeared on the screen.

"-wide panic as criminals from all over the world are dying of heart attacks. Sources say that just before death each criminal was found writing a gruesome message on the walls of their cells, that message is; ALL HAIL KIRA. Authorities are unsure of why the infamous serial killer Kira is suddenly-"

Light felt a shiver run down his spine as the words drifted and all he could hear was a rush of blood in his ears and the sound of Sayu's laughter, his mother's congratulations and the timbre of his father's voice as he entered the house-

He gasped as L slapped him suddenly the blow ringing through his head.

Light swallowed and lifted a hand touching the reddening spot tenderly.

"Light-kun must not panic." L said firmly before uncurling himself from his position. "Watari?" He said calmly. "The information is already been put into the drop box L." Watari said before switching off. L stood and closed the laptop before grabbing the chain and yanking Light forward until he was sprawled across L's lap cradled against his chest. Light could smell the mild soap L used and the slightest hint of the strong aftershave L preferred. The soft cotton of his shirt pressed against his cheek and he swallowed as he felt his heart thud. "Kira, think, why would B react like this?" L demanded. Light swallowed thickly and closed his eyes. He would much rather just lay here and forget that it was happening, that hundreds of people were dying because of him. L grasped his chin and jerked it up meeting his eyes with a cold flat gaze that made Light's mind kick into gear.

"If it was my death making him do it then he would have started the moment it was confirmed." Light said quietly. "If not t-then he must be trying to appease me." He said his eyes closing tightly. L tugged sharply again on his chin and Light took a deep breath. "H-He must have been testing me, to see if I was really a god. If I wasn't then I would die, which he obviously assumed would happen-"

"B is experimenting, yes that makes sense." L said with a nod. "But you are alive, and he must know that some how." He said frowning. Light frowned.

"Ryuuk could have told him, the two shinigami are the only ones that know that I can't die now." He said shaking his head. "But he wouldn't unless it benefits him somehow, he doesn't take sides, he just does stuff for his own amusement." Light said quietly.

"Yet B somehow knows that you are alive." L stated his grip relaxing slightly his thumb stroking over Light's Adam apple. Light let out a breath and relaxed slowly.

"I don't know how, I'm sorry." He said softly.

"Are you?" L asked glancing down at him. Light frowned and nodded.

"Yes, I want to help you L." He said softly. L's hand tightened around his throat again.

"No Kira, when we are like this, when you are telling the truth I want you to use my name." L said. "To remind you that I am putting my trust in you're word as much as you are trusting me to keep you from being Kira."

Light grit his teeth and nodded.

What could he do?

The truth, however much he might dislike it, was that he was completely dependant on L now. L had the power to expect this sort of thing because Light couldn't go back to the stupid boy that had lost everything to death because he was bored.

"Lawliet." He said softly. L stared at him for a long moment before sighing.

"It's no use, I still don't trust you're word Kira, but that will come in time." He said with an assured nod before turning away thoughtfully. "What if you lost some of your abilities when you gave up ownership of the death note?" He said frowning.

"Ryuuk said I would still be able to see him because I had absorbed the death note and would become shinigami- I saw Rem after all." Light said frowning. "Yes but that was before you ate the apple." L mused. "Perhaps the apple signified more than flesh like we assumed." He mused.

"The death note for immortality leaving me in a permanent state of infinity." Light said nodding.

"And you cannot destroy the death note so you cannot destroy Light-kun." L said softly.

"And the apple which never rots." Light said quietly. "Ryuuk said that they were rare in his world but that the trees never stopped producing them and they never died even if they fell off- I used to hate when he'd ramble on about apples." Light said shaking his head.

"Yes it is quite annoying." L said his lips quirked up slightly. "However it may be helpful to us now." Light nodded slowly ignoring the jibe before a thought came to him.

"My eyes!" He gasped sitting up suddenly only to have L slam him back down into his lap.

"Please be still Light-kun I quite like you where you are." L mused. "Now what about your eyes?" L asked tilting his head to the side.

"The other shinigami Rem, she said that I will eventually become a shinigami. I already have Shinigami eyes, but I haven't been using them." He said frowning.

"Why not?" L demanded sharply. Light winced.

"Because I don't want to know when you are going to die." Light said turning his gaze away because it was too hard to hold L's gaze, to admit that to his face.

"The thought of me dying pains you- is it because of your family?" L demanded causing Light to flinch.

"You are my friend L-Lawliet." Light said softly. L's eyes narrowed and he draggled Light even closer.

"You're friend Light-kun? You kiss you're friends? Do you let them hold you like this?" He hissed his hand tilting Light's neck back and to the side so that he could whisper into Light's ear. "Do you let them fuck you Kira?" He breathed making Light's heart thunder in his chest and his cheeks flush as the rest of him twisted in pleasure.

"What are you doing to me?" Light breathed. "No one made me- they couldn't make me want this, why you?" He demanded suddenly wondering if there was more to this than simple chemistry. "Is this a drug?" He whispered struggling against his body's response. L pulled back a bit his gaze glittering and unreadable his lips turned up into an amused and unkind smirk.

"No Kira this is us, you and I….I suspect that you act this way because it is a part of you that I have won over, no one else has beaten Light-kun again and again, challenged Light-kun and given him what he needs. And in return you give me everything." He said a glimmer of darkness in his gaze. Light wondered if that glimmer had always been there, hidden away so that no one could see it. Was that why L pretended to be so blank so much of the time? To hide the side that didn't fit the personal of 'L' the master detective. Light relaxed slowly- _his_ master detective.

"Lawliet…" He breathed. L's smirk gentled and Light had to wonder just how much L hid under the guise of socially awkward and slightly autistic.

"Hush, we must go now." L said before standing abruptly and in a way that shouldn't have been physically possible given how entangled they were- or at least that's what Light thought as he crashed to the floor in a graceless heap.

"Bastard." Light grumbled before letting out a grunt as L kicked him in the stomach.

"Kira should not say unkind things to his jailor." L said his eyes glittering darkly. Light huffed slightly feigning annoyance to hide the blush on his cheeks. Why did L's words have such an effect over him? Why did these odd things do this to him? Had he always been like this?

But then again he couldn't remember ever meeting someone who made demands of him like L did, that treated him like L did. Most people worshiped the ground he walked on quite literally; they respected him and held him up- but not L. L saw him for what he was from the very start, a fake, a monster. He shivered slightly and frowned when L tossed him his blazer before approaching him and unlocking the cuffs. Light felt his breath catch in his throat. No, no, no…he didn't like this! His hands were free they could- shit _he_ could-

"No." L said sharply breaking through Light's thoughts. "I am L." he said reminiscent of the first time they'd met. "And I say you will not hurt anyone, so you will not, not even me." He said snatching the chains from Light's hands and tossing them onto the bed.

And just like that Light found himself feeling calm again.

"Come Light-kun, there is much to be done, the hunt for Kira resumes." He said with a short nod.

#$% #$% #$% #$% #$%

"I want you to quit acting." Plain brown eyes didn't even bother to look up from the paper the man was reading. Misa-misa felt her heart drop. He was her husband, the man of her dreams; she had married him and loved him with all of her heart. But after that stupid L had gotten a hold of him Kyosuke Higuchi had changed. She didn't know how or why and she felt as though she was forgetting something terribly important, but there was nothing she could do. She still loved him.

"But honey my career…" She said a full on Misa-Misa pout on its way.

Her husband snapped.

The news paper slapped loudly onto the table causing her to flinch as she realized what page he'd turned to. Her husband had an inferiority complex, the idea that Misa was performing in a romantic film with someone far younger and far more handsome than him made something evil rise in him.

"I am _tired_ of being hounded by reporters all the time, I am _sick_ of people who don't know me judging me and making snide comments, insinuating that you are cheating on me, or that you will cheat on me- tell me Misa why do you want to continue?! Is it true!? Is this Hideki brat better than me?!" He demanded his eyes flashing as he suddenly lurched across the table throwing her down and sliding a hand up her thigh. "You're practically begging for it you little slut- tell me did you marry me for the money? Because I was second best to that faggot kid Yagami?" He said a sick look in his expression. Misa's eyes widened.

"No! Honey you know I haven't seen Light-kun-"

SLAP!

Misa's ears rang as the blow knocked her head to the side making the lights flash behind her eyes.

"You will quit working." Her husband demanded. Misa felt her eyes water with real tears.

"Yes." She said obediently before turning her face away as he began touching her.

He was her husband, what could she do?


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay...so some good reviews, loving the feed back guys:) Oh and I am currently not replying with my email because I have a virus grrr, so uuuuum I'm going to see if I can't get rid of it and I will let you know how it goes, love you! Ah and you should know any notes I wrote in the story that are in italics were written _as_ I was writing the story- yeah just thought that might be important.**

**Mistress Slytherin**

**WARNINGS:**

**HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS**

**NOT FOR THE EYES OF THE YOUNG**

**VIOLENT SITUATIONS**

**BLOODSHED **

**AU**

**MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS**

**DOMESTIC ABUSE**

**DOM/SUB HINTS...**

**Let me know if I missed anything?**

**PART 1**

Chapter 5

_Kira's Struggles_

_(A/N I thought about adding a sex scene but I didn't want to take away from the story line sooo, there might be some later but for now I'll make it vague so use your colorful imaginations for now! Love you all!)_

"L this has been going on for three days!" Ide said as the latest statistics were read off to them. Frustration was prominent and the room was thick with tension. Not one of the team members had left the main office area since the first day, they were dirty, exhausted, and getting no where.

"B is a mastermind criminal Ide-san, he knows how to hide himself." L drawled without removing his gaze from the screen. Likewise Light was glued to his own screen with orders from L to find B. They'd used everything they had in their arsenal though, face recognition software, aliases, communication waves- there was nothing. B was literally hiding out somewhere and scribbling name after name without rest and had been doing so for the last three days.

"Kira-ism has officially been recognized as a religion." Aizawa said unhelpfully. "I was hoping that B might take a break and chat with some of these nuts- here look at this, 'If Kira-sama continues to kill off the filthy the unworthy and the immoral then in one year's time one percent of the world's population will be decimated. The earth may begin to be able to support humans again and we will all be saved from extinction- all hail Kira.'" He read off with a sigh.

"Actually that fact is partially true." L said unhelpfully. "Though at the rate he is going it will only take six months approximately- this is of course counting the previous deaths that we can attribute to Kira though it does not include the business men that-"

"We get it L." Mogi said tightly. L blinked up from his computer and stared at Mogi with a wide-eyed look that Light had come to know was just another way for him to hide his more sadistic side. No one could blame someone who didn't seem to understand that he was committing a faux pas. The thought almost made him smile if the situation weren't so serious.

"Well if we can't _find_ him then we need to drag him out." Ide said determinedly his gaze drawn to the screen of his computer. "And I might just have found the person that could do it." He said his gaze turning to Light who felt his lungs seize up.

"No." L said point blank.

"He's right Ide; I can't believe you'd even suggest that." Aizawa said with a scowl. It seemed as though the team had taken a protective stance with Light. Light of course didn't really mind, as long as L was fine with it, he would be fine with it, just another form of punishment to remind him of what he'd done and how far he'd fallen.

"No but think of it, B would seek Light-kun out if he knew Light-kun survived the death note." He said his eyes dark rimmed and red with exhaustion.

"I think maybe you should get some sleep, you're starting to talk nonsense." Mogi said pointedly before returning to his file.

"No seriously, this could be our chance to catch him and stop these killings!"

"Or get Light-kun killed." Mogi snarled incredulously.

"Light-kun you want this to end don't you? You want to catch Kira and destroy him don't you? All you would have to do is make an appearance! We could set up an interview, have a whole SWAT team there just in case!" Light was tense, true he wanted to kill B and destroy Kira once and for all, but he was scared, absolutely terrified and L-L… He realized belatedly that everyone in the room was watching him. Did they all think this way? They pitied him for what he'd lost but they still looked to him for the answer, to make the sacrifice- He wanted to agree, he opened his mouth to agree regardless of his fears, but something stopped him his mouth clicked shut and he turned to look at L's impassive gaze. L was waiting too, but Light didn't know the _right_ answer any more, he wasn't supposed to make these choices because he always screwed things up and people always ended up getting hurt. He felt himself relax.

"It's up to Ryuuzaki." He said his voice rough as he dropped his eyes frightened of what he might find in the other man's gaze.

"I believe I have already stated my opinion on the matter." L said his voice monotone, bored almost.

"L we have a chance to catch him-"

"No." L said again.

"Would you just listen to reason L?! Damn it _look_ at me-!" Three things happened at once, Ide reached for L's chair to force him around, Light's leg kicked out sending Ide flying, and Watari promptly sedated the man syringe in hand. Light shook slightly his heart pounding violently in his chest from where he landed panting slightly in fear his eyes turning to L. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know anything he couldn't _do_ anything because he was Kira and he would screw it all up

"Thank you Light-kun." Watari said mildly as he wrapped the empty syringe neatly. Light flinched. Thanking him…of all the- as if he deserved _thanks_. It was _his_ fault that all those people were dying. B was doing it for _him_. He took a deep breath.

"Ryuuzaki?" He said softly. He didn't know what to do; he needed to know what to do- he needed to _do_ something.

"I think that it is time that we all take a break." L stated calmly before standing from his chair and grasping Light's wrist. "Please feel free to take the day off and spend time with your families." He said before dragging Light out of the room. They made it to the elevator before L tossed him inside and pushed him against the wall his body covering Light's completely his hands holding Light's wrists on either side of his head.

"L?" Light said curiously had he done something wrong? He chanced a look up into L's dark eyes and swallowed thickly at what he found there. Pride. L was _proud _of him. "Wha-?"

"You trusted me Light-kun, no Kira- you could have chosen to sacrifice yourself, I know you wanted to, you wanted to make them proud of you to redeem yourself somehow. You could have agreed, thought yourself perfect enough not to give in to the temptation again rather than giving in to me the way you said you would. But you stopped because it doesn't really matter what the world thinks does it Kira? As long as I am proud of you, as long as you let _me_ make your choices for you, then you know you have made the right choice."

And then before Light could muddle through it all L was kissing him deeply his lips hard against his and cold from the icy drink L had just ingested. Light relaxed in L's hold shivering in unimaginable satisfaction at the thought that L was _this_ proud of him. That he had _finally_ done something right, and that his actions had provoked _this_ in L. Light gasped as he felt L's length press against him his arousal obvious despite the thick baggy denims.

"I'm going to fuck you Kira." L hissed into his ear. "I am going to mark you and take you so that you never forget that _I_ am the victor here." He hissed before kissing Light again his tongue sensual and languid despite the force behind the kiss. Light could only groan as fire raced through him his hands flexing in L's grasp to enhance the feelings being held down provoked. L would decide who he hurt with these hands, the decision was not his to make. He let himself be dragged under by the sensations as L's mouth heated gradually so that by the time the elevator chimed his mouth was scalding against Light's. The doors slipped open and Light gasped as L pulled away and yanked Light along.

"Lawliet…" Light breathed as he was unceremoniously tugged down the hall. L's grip on his wrist tightened.

"Do you know how hard it has been Light-kun? Sitting there with you unclaimed beside me while B lusts after you? And I'm certain he does Kira, B has always had his fixations." He said wrenching the door to their room open and shoving Light in so that he barely managed to regain his balance before the door was closing and L was turned around slouched over and lounging lazily as he smirked his eyes burning. "Take your clothes off Kira." He demanded darkly. Light swallowed after a pitiful sound escaped him. Why did L do these things to him? He'd been naked before, but somehow this was different.

_It was always different with L_

His mind supplied unhelpfully. Light lifted his hands and unbuttoned his shirt one button at a time nearly whimpering at the look on L's face, there was something predatory about the way L was watching him. Light could almost imagine that L _was_ a predator waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Would he attack physically? Throw Light to the bed and fuck him roughly? Light didn't know what to think about that image, he'd never been treated by anything other than worshipful hands and bodies. It had all been so…_boring_. But this was L and Light knew for a fact that L could and would do with Light whatever the hell he wanted. By the time his fingers slipped the last button from its hole he was hard gasping as his hand brushed the arousal. L looked hungry and a dark glitter shimmered in his eyes.

"Oh Kira-kun is that for me?" He said silkily. He was still slouched over watching, he was still unmoved save for the slight bulge Light could see forming in his denims. "Are you hard because I'm watching Kira? Do you like putting a show on for me?" L said getting closer his hand trailing up Light's arm.

Slap!

Light gasped. L hadn't used anywhere near his full strength in the blow but it stung and sent a thrill through him that was nearly orgasmic. Before he could stop himself he was leaning closer to L practically begging for another. L's eyes glittered.

"I know you like to hurt Light-kun but please be kind enough to answer my questions." L said calmly a satisfied smirk on his mouth. Light swallowed.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked his voice rough. It was torture, standing here, waiting under L's inscrutable gaze. L closed the space between them the warmth of his body seeping into Light's as he tilted his head and whispered into Light's ear.

"I suppose it doesn't really matter Kira I already know you like to put on a show for me." He whispered his fingers brushing over Light's arousal so gently that it made him groan in frustration. He reached out his hand ready to grasp L's wrist and force him to quit bullshitting and just _touch_ him already- L's free hand snapped out of his pocket and wrapped around both of Light's wrists. In a dizzying moment he was spinning around and there was a telltale click of metal as the hand cuffs clicked into place. L settled his chin on Light's shoulder and simply waited for Light to stop cursing and struggling one arm around the front of Light's chest.

"L stop it just- just do something already! What's the point of this?!" Light said feeling slight embarrassment and rebellion. But he was Kira! This was just degrading and-

"No Kira, you cannot move until I say you can. Your hands will remain bound forever if that is what I wish, you will _not_ hurt anyone without my permission. You are _mine_ Kira and your foolish pride will only earn you punishment's here." L said nipping sharply on Light's earlobe. Light gasped and his head tilted away from L reflexively, L settled his mouth over Light's exposed neck and bit down _hard_ making Light cry out.

Yes…this was what he'd wanted.

L would take care of everything; L would make sure that he never hurt anyone ever again.

L let up on the spot on his neck and sucked at it for a moment soothing away the hurt.

"Better?" L asked his voice a gentle contrast to what it had been before. Light nodded.

"Yes Lawliet thank you." He said swallowing against his pride. He was right to ask L for help, if it were him doing this alone it wouldn't be long before he went back to being Kira. L would keep him from hurting anyone he just had to learn to trust that. He sighed and relaxed feeling the arm tighten around him slightly. Light was still hard- almost painfully so, but it was clear to him now that L did things on his own time and everything they did here would be in L's control.

"Good Light-kun, it won't be easy for you I know, it is not my intention to break you of your pride I rather like the powerful creature that you are, but you will be humble towards me. You will do as _I_ say and if you are unsure you will _ask_, but none of this is up to you." He said nipping slightly on the injured spot on his neck. It tingled and Light knew it was probably already healing, he found he didn't like the idea as much as he should. Why _wouldn't_ he want the marks gone? The bruises that should have lingered as reminders of L's promises to keep him from hurting others, the marks of what they would do together. He had always been annoyed when people tried to give him love-bites, they were unsightly, but as with everything else, it was different when L was the one giving them.

L turned him around slowly and his dark eyes met Light's for a long moment before lazily drifting down. It was the intensity that got to him; L was _memorizing_ him with the look the way he did numbers and codes or important information. Light felt himself quiver. He knew he was handsome though his body had fallen into a state of lassitude from being ill and well…dead. The finely chiseled muscles that he'd once boasted were softer and not as well formed-

"As much as your vanity amuses me Light-kun, the only time you are ever less than appealing to me is when you are lying to me. Didn't you notice me looking Light-kun? Watching you, watching your body under your clothes and wishing that human's weren't so fickle as to need clothing on a daily basis- though I suppose it _is_ understandable, after all if you were naked all the time you would pose a distraction." He said trailing a lazy finger down Light's chest before sweeping it back up and circling Light's nipple lightly.

"Lawliet…" Light whispered his body tense. L sniggered.

"Are you saying my name to get what you want Kira? How very ugly of you." He said lifting his hand and settling it on Light's cheek. "If you want, you should just beg, trying to manipulate me here will get you no where and you know it." He said stepping back and climbing up onto the bed sprawling out slightly in a lazy curl. "I don't want Kira's dirty manipulative hands touching me." He said causing Light's breath to catch as he flicked the button on his jeans open and pulled down the zip. "I want Light-kun's humble hands, the ones that know they are filthy and know that I accept them anyway." L said tilting his head back slightly and gazing at Light through slit eyes as he pulled his length from his jeans. Light's gaze was riveted to the motion.

"L…" He whispered swallowing.

"Mnnn, no I'm afraid that won't do Light-kun." L said lazily. Light swallowed. He didn't know what to do; he didn't know how he should act-

Ask.

He swallowed again as the answer supplied its self.

"L…Lawliet…what- what do you want?" He whispered flinching slightly at how small it was. _This_ was what he'd become? The Kira that was a god-

A god who destroyed everything it touched.

He shuddered and realized that any arousal was now gone from him, chased away by nightmares of Sayu and his mother. L let out a sigh and Light flinched again when arms surrounded him pulling him into that little nook that seemed to be made for him.

"Good Light-kun so good for me, you followed my directions because you are intelligent. You know what I want from you Light-kun, and you will give it to me in time." L said pressing a kiss to the top of his head. The touch was so gentle that it was startling and Light gasped from it. L chuckled and pulled away a bit his hand unbuttoning and unzipping Light's pants with one deft motion causing them to sprawl onto the floor. L bent down and unlaced Light's shoes. Light had no choice, without his hands to steady him he had to rely on L not to let him fall if he lost his balance, sure enough as L removed his left sock Light felt himself begin to tilt but L's arm wound around his middle and pulled him upright in an instant. Adrenalin rushed through his veins as L pulled everything off, stripping him with quick efficient motions.

"Now Light-kun." L said his eyes tracing up his form. He was in a half crouch gazing up at Light but Light has no problem believing that L is the one in charge here and that makes something in him relax a bit even if it feels _wrong_ for the man to be on the floor below him. "No…Kira." L said standing just long enough to get to the bed before laying down again his eyes half lidded. "Worship me Kira." He said smirking. Light's heart seemed to jump into his throat. He swallowed loudly in the silence.

"H-How." Light stuttered- he'd never stuttered in his _life_. He was never this nervous, never so unsure-

"With your mouth on my cock. Stop thinking Kira." He said narrowing his eyes. Light's brain went fuzzy and his stomach made a little flip. He decided that listening to L was the best option, it seemed to be the most pleasurable that was for sure. He dropped to his knees carefully his balance unsure with his hands bound behind his back. Shuffling forward across the carpet he lifted his head and met L's gaze focusing on that as a rush of nothingness began to creep over the edges of his mind. L's fingers reached out and carded through Light's hair once he was perched in the space between L's legs. "Good Light-kun." He said shifting forward slightly his legs touching the floor. "I assume you know what to do now?" L said looking for all the world like a satisfied cat.

"Yes Lawliet." Light said swallowing thickly.

He never backed down from a challenge from L.

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"**_I want to make a deal with you._**" Rem said the moment she floated through the wall.

"**_Huh?_**" Ryuuk said drawing his bored gaze away from the figure hunched over the writing table. "**_You already made a deal with me, and you lost._**" Ryuuk said with a grin.

"**_I'll make you another deal._**" Rem said insistently. Ryuuk tilted his head to the side in consideration.

"**_Alright, I'm listening…_**" He said lazily.

"**_Things aren't as amusing since Yagami-kun decided to stop being Kira…I can make them interesting again._**" Rem challenged. Ryuuk tilted his head to the side.

"**_And I'm guessing you want one of the Death Notes?_**" He said with a grin. Rem nodded. Well…he had three now, that was kind of over-kill even if one was being used by the weird human B, besides, watching this guy just write all day _was_ getting boring. He pulled out one of the notes and tossed it to Rem. "**_Fine, but it better be good._**" He said with a shrug. Rem caught the note and quickly disappeared through the wall. Ryuuk sighed and turned back to his human only to find wide eyes staring back at him in horror.

"Kira-sama has decided to stop being Kira-sama?" He whispered in horror.

Uhh ohh….

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Light gasped as scalding liquid poured down his throat but he was hungry for even that and swallowed it all even without L's hand forcing his head down again. He had never done that for anyone before- sex had always been unsanitary, something that was a chore more than anything. But L was as usual completely different. L's grip relaxed and he let out a low groan that went straight to Light's arousal. Light panted against L's thigh as he tried to regain his breathing. L had been goading him all along, challenging him until Light had taken to the blowjob the way he would to a particularly difficult exam. And by the looks of it, he'd passed with flying colors…L gazed down at him sleepily and simply pet his hair.

"A nap I think, and then I will have you." L said grinning evilly at Light's disbelieving expression.

"L!" He said with wide pleading eyes. L chuckled.

"Come here Light-kun."

Light glared mistrustfully and L's eyes glinted his hands reaching out and yanking Light up. "Now Light-kun." He said with a grin. "Time for me to teach you that I will always take care of your needs…" He said with a slightly evil grin. Light swallowed thickly.

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Misa stared down at her plate listlessly as people chatted around her. She'd dressed up like her husband had demanded and had been exactly on time to the restaurant despite her own apprehension of how well her make-up covered the bruises.

He never showed up.

Now, three hours later she was struggling to hold herself back. The fear and the anger, the same and the sorrow filled her to the point that she thought she might explode from it. She wanted to run away but she was frozen on the spot. She couldn't hold back once the tears finally started, every day things got worse, he got rougher he hurt her more and the bruises covered more and more of her body.

A small click sounded at her elbow and she gasped in fear that it was Higuchi.

A steaming cup of tea sat by her elbow.

She followed it up to the man that had placed it there.

"My name is Mikami Teru." The man said his eyes much like Light's as he pulled his wallet out and handed her his card. It put her at ease almost immediately. "May I sit?" The man asked cautiously. Misa stared down at the card- a lawyer?

"Yes of course." She said dabbing her eyes and trying not to wipe off too much of the concealer.

Rem watched anxiously from over the human's shoulder as Misa opened up and told Mikami everything.

_Soon Misa-chan…soon…_


	6. Chapter 6

**So sorry for the lag in updating, I had decided that since the chapters in my Harry Potter story were getting to be so long here towards the end that I would wait a week before updating, unfortunately while this thought was in my head I failed to tell you people...for that I apologize, at any rate, hope you enjoy aaaaand...Happy Friday! Oh...and yes Mikami Teru is a twisted fuck...**

**Mistress Slytherin**

**WARNINGS:**

**HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS**

**NOT FOR THE EYES OF THE YOUNG**

**VIOLENT SITUATIONS**

**BLOODSHED **

**AU**

**MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS**

**DOMESTIC ABUSE**

**DOM/SUB HINTS...**

**Let me know if I missed anything?**

**PART 1**

Chapter 6

_To Hunt a Wilde Pheasant_

Light felt oddly settled as he stepped into the main office, it was weird but the shift in his physical relationship had made his mind clearer and calmer. It didn't make sense; sex had never done that to him- though he supposed that _had_ been the first time he'd been on the taking end of it. He smiled slightly at the faint ache in his spine as he sat down. Unfortunately none of the marks from last night had been there that morning but that had only made L more adamant about making fresh ones in the shower a fact Light had not minded at all. He blinked as an apple was placed in front of him. L smirked as Light glanced at him curiously.

"Shinigami like apples." L said without turning his gaze from the screen. Light snorted and picked the apple up in rebellion before taking a bite making L's eyes flash towards him. Light faced the screen.

"Delicious." He said amused. L's movement was so quick that Light had no hope of anticipating it. Suddenly L was in his face licking a line of juice from his bottom lip and staring into Light's eyes with a look that made even Light's exhausted body react slightly.

"Yes, quite." L said before pulling back and returning to whatever he was doing. Light stared at him for a long moment before shifting anxiously as he little problem grew into a bigger problem with L in such close proximity. "Light-kun should have known better than to tease me." L said with a smirk. "Get back to work; I estimate that while the others may come in late today they will still be coming in the next half hour." Light scowled but returned his gaze to the computer taking a second rebellious bite of the apple. This time L's lips only lifted slightly in amusement and Light was tempted to do something to provoke L just so the man would touch him again. But no, that was selfish and he _did_ need to get back to work. He sighed and began flicking through files.

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"**_Kira has decided to test you, to see if you are worthy of becoming Kira, you must complete two tasks._**"

The shinigami's words echoed in his mind as he scribbled names down at high speeds trying to match the speed of the other follower Kira had chosen for this task. He had to beat them, had to be Kira's preferred disciple- he would pass this test! He would prove himself worthy! Though in all honesty he didn't know how the other was doing with whatever second task it was Kira had given him or her. Whoever it was they had finally stopped writing mid afternoon yesterday so he figured that they must also be racing to complete the second task. Mikami was no fool though, Kira was a god, he was brilliant and righteous, he would look for the quality of his work rather than the speed at which he succeeded. Mikami could write these names quickly enough, but he suspected that they were just the beginning. The shinigami had told him that he must fill this book with the names of criminals; it was a gift from Kira, and one he cherished.

The second task was more complicated.

Kira had tested others before, all had failed, Kyosuke Higuchi especially had turned evil and dirty, using the note for his own gain and becoming corrupt by the power it offered. It had surprised him to know that the two tested soldiers had end up married in the end, but then they were both failures. Misa-misa was clever but sloppy and he could tell that she simply hadn't had the strength to be Kira. He scowled as he remembered the battered woman. This world was so rotten, full of people that pretended to love but were truly rotten to the core. This was why Kira-sama was asking Mikami to kill Kyosuke Higuchi. Misa-misa might have been a fool, but she did not deserve what Kyosuke Higuchi had done to her. He could tell by the anxiousness of the shinigami that Kira set to watch over him that this test was very important. He must save Misa-misa and destroy the failure.

He sighed as he finally lifted his hand. He'd managed to fill three pages using the small print that lawyers like him were known for, that should be enough for today, it was time to check in to see with the paperwork on Misa's case had gone through. Once that was done he could finally free Misa-misa and perhaps he would meet Kira-sama! He sighed happily at the idea of meeting Kira- ahhh his god… His hand wondered down without him noticing as he cupped himself through his pants.

His god…

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"There are two." Light said blinking at the screen. L frowned biting down on his thumb nail.

"Why?" L demanded turning towards Light who shrugged.

"I don't know, Ryuuk had all three death notes, he gave one to B…I don't know about the rest." He said turning his head away. "I don't want to know." He added quietly.

"But both B and this mystery person are writing consistently, at this rate it will take an estimate of three months for the two of them to decimate one percent of the world's population." L said frowning. Light stared at the screen. He couldn't help but feel glad for that fact, he might not be Kira any more but he still felt the same.

"This world is rotten." He said darkly.

"Of course Kira-sama." L said his gaze becoming flat as Light flinched. Light felt his hands tremble.

"L…" He said his voice croaking. L was there in a flash his larger hands pinning Light's wrists to the arms of the chair.

"No Light, you will not hurt anyone, I will not allow it." L breathed into his ear. Light felt a whimper spill past his lips before he could help it and L lunged at him kissing him deeply and harshly. There was no gentleness to his motions, just force. Light gasped when L pulled away sharply and returned to his seat as though nothing had happened. Light panted for a moment before turning back to the screen and glaring.

"You can't change what I am L." He rasped. "My thoughts are still the same; this world is filthy and full of rot." He said gritting his teeth.

"And yet you will no longer have any say in what happens to them Light-kun, not unless _I_ allow it." L said blinking slowly. Light struggled with that for a moment before nodding.

"La-"

The lights flickered off and an alarm sounded red lights flashing.

L turned his head from the computer screen slowly and froze as red eyes emerged from the dark a glint of a syringe- the lights went dark again-

"Watari!" L shouted as he launched out of his seat-

Red lights flashed through the room again and L gasped as he fell forward falling to the ground in a graceless heap. Light's chair was gone- Light was gone-

"LIGHT-KUN!" He shouted as pure terror rippled through him.

Light was gone.

Kira was gone.

No…

"WATARI!" L shouted scrambling to his feet and rushing for the doors only to curse when he found them dead bolted.

Light!

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B stared down at his god who was sleeping quietly in his lap, safe from the heretic L.

His god was beautiful…

His breath hitched in curiosity as he watched the puncture wound close under his fingers healing naturally. Ohhh to split that skin…He pulled a knife from his pocket and pressed down against the pale flesh of his god's arm watching as blood welled from the wound. He couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and sucking on the wound gasping as he tongued it feeling the skin heal beneath his tongue. He moaned loudly causing the other man in the car to grit his teeth and scowl at him. His god's eyes fluttered open slowly and B gasped as the eyes landed on him.

"You're not L…" His god said the drug making his words slurred. It was amazing considering that the tranquilizer he'd used was supposed to last for four hours and yet twenty minutes after he was already awake.

"Kami-sama!" B said his heart full of malicious glee.

Light stared at the imposter with dawning understanding. Small facts began to appear in his mind and he narrowed his eyes in fury.

"How did you find us?" He hissed. B grinned widely.

"This man was kind enough to lead me to you!" He said with a grin. Light turned his head blinking dizzily as the blurry shape slowly became the shape of a man.

"Aizawa?" He rasped in confusion. The man was staring into his hands with wide unseeing eyes.

"He threatened to kill my family Light-kun. I couldn't- not after seeing what he did to your mother and sister-" The man said softly his body trembling in horror and fear. Light swallowed back the bile and turned his head back to B.

"I'm not Kira." He said blankly. B scowled darkly.

"L has poisoned you Kami-sama, only Kira could survive the death note! You are a god among men and L has hurt you, I cannot forgive him!" B said his eyes slightly crazed. Light tensed. There was little he could do with Aizawa here- he glanced at the man and B let out an annoyed sound. Light gasped as the death note was set on his chest. He tried to lift his arms to stop B but the man was already scribbling Aizawa's name.

"I'm sorry Light-kun." The man said sounding frightened.

"Now we are alone!" B said happily as he slipped the death note away. Light grit his teeth and turned away as Aizawa began gasping and gripping his chest.

"Did I say you could kill him?" Light demanded his temper making him sharp. B's eyes widened and a familiar creepy grin spread across his face.

"You were hiding Kira-sama!" He said jovially. Light sighed feeling sick as he slipped into a familiar persona. Slowly the feeling crept back into his body. "Ah- Ryuuk says you should use your powers to see him again." B said brightly. Light tried to sit up but the man pushed him back into his lap. Light sighed and closed his eyes wincing as a familiar feeling washed over him. When he opened them again Ryuuk was grinning down at him.

"Ryuuk." Light said annoyed.

"**_Eh, for the record it was Rem not me._**" He said scratching the back of his head. "**_So don't hold a grudge against me okay?_**" He said grinning nervously. Light grit his teeth and scowled more. He had to play B some how, keep him from writing down L's name.

"You messed up my game B, I was playing with L." He scolded. B's eyes widened and his face fell.

"I did?" He said sounding sad.

"Yes, but you can atone for your crimes." He said an idea coming to mind.

"I will do whatever it takes Kira-sama!" B said brightly. Light sighed and nodded.

"Good, now let me sit up, I never said that you could touch me human." He said forcing his body to lift until he was sitting up. So Rem did this huh? But why? His mind whirred. "Ryuuk, who has the second death note?" He demanded.

"**_I gave it back to Rem._**" Ryuuk said with a shrug. Light sighed, so Misa was Kira? Or someone else close to Misa? Her husband maybe? Kyosuke Higuchi had been Kira once before it wouldn't be surprising…He needed to contact Misa; she might be able to help him get his revenge on B. He glanced at the death note almost without thinking.

No.

He wouldn't touch it unless L told him to, he'd never touch it again if he had the choice.

"Don't do anything to L okay B? I'm still not done playing with him." He said sharply. B pouted but nodded before a grin spread across his face.

"Ne Kira-sama, did I write enough names yet?" He asked leaning towards Light who frowned and grit his teeth. L said he couldn't use the death note without permission, and he didn't want to but if he wasn't the one using it exactly…and he still held his beliefs. The world was a rotten place filled with filth.

"Not nearly enough." He said swallowing thickly. "I've chosen another human as well, to see which of you is the most diligent to the task; you must rid this world of criminals." Light said feeling like he was choking on his own words. What was he doing? L was going to be so angry…But he had to keep B occupied somehow or the man would turn his mind to hurting more people.

"**_Eh…are you just gonna leave this guy here?_**" Ryuuk said poking Aizawa's body making him tip over. B looked at Light who swallowed; he'd never had to deal with a body before…

"Just drop him off somewhere I guess." He said.

"Hiiiiiiii!" B said before launching out of the seat grabbing the other man's body and opening the door throwing him out of the still moving car. Whoever was driving didn't even look back. Light swallowed thickly and tried not to think of Aizawa's body being torn to shreds by the oncoming traffic.

What was he going to do…?

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"This is a mess." Mogi said the torment clear on his face. L was silent, eerily silent.

"Hasn't Light-kun suffered enough? Why would he kidnap him like this? You don't think…" Ide was becoming paranoid, well betrayal from close to you tended to make you paranoid L mused.

"Light-kun is beautiful, charismatic and he presents a challenge to B, I suspect that to be the reason B returned me to Light in the first place. B has created a fixation on Light-kun though I do not know what awaits Light-kun at this point, I do have several scenarios."

"You don't think he might try to make Light-kun act as Kira again do you?" Ide said sharply.

"He has nothing left to hold over Light-kun's head. He has already destroyed everything Light-kun loved simply because Light-kun denied him. I assume that was the start of B's infatuation. Most people would be too scared to deny him of anything especially with the threat of their family hanging over their heads, Light-kun's sense of justice made him defy B and out wit him by causing me to imprison both Light-kun and Misa-chan. Light-kun must have figured out that if they were useless to B he would have either one of two choices, to let them go or to kill them. My assumption is that the first few days were spent with B throwing a tantrum somewhere at being outwitted. But B would have acknowledged the checkmate and Light-kun could not have guessed that it would in fact attract B's attention even further. B tried to get Light-kun's attention a few other times and when that didn't work in his frustration I surmise he decided to punish Light-kun for not paying attention to him and for defeating him in the first round of what he undoubtedly considers to be a very large game." He said staring at the screen.

"So B killed Light-kuns family." Mogi said in understanding.

"I suspect that his infatuation is the reason that he did not simply give them heart attacks but personally physically attacked them. Everything about the murder was personal and I believe that Light-kun now knows this despite his memory loss. He believes that it is his fault that they are dead." He said as a frown slipped across his lips.

"Then why all the killings?" Ide said rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Because he wanted to attract Light-kun's attention." L said grimly. "And when that didn't work he grew frustrated and caught Aizawa-san." He mumbled.

"I don't like it." Mogi said quietly. "There are too many holes…how many times have we thought this through and thought this through again? We keep changing our minds- L?" L was standing sharply and staring at the screen.

"Kira…" He muttered softly his voice furious.

"What happened?" Mogi chanced.

"Kira is killing again." Ide said with a sigh. "_Both_ Kira's are killing again, what do we know about this other guy anyway?" He asked.

"Light-kun's safe return is more important." L said sharply.

"Why?" Mogi said frowning. "I hate to say it but Light-kun is only one person, we can't focus on him when there are hundreds dying out there." He said shaking his head.

"Unless you think Light-kun is Kira." Ide challenged mildly. L turned to him with a cold chilling look.

"Ide-san…never say such a thing again, Light-kun has lost everything to Kira, even who he once was. Besides…if Light-kun was Kira I would be dead, he knows my name." L said in the echoing silence. Ide and Mogi breathed in sharply.

"What?" Mogi whispered.

"I gave it to him a while ago to test him, if I died then he was Kira, but I did not die and in fact he has been guarding my name for me all this time. If B figures out that Light-kun knows my name he might hurt Light-kun to get it from him." L said softly.

"We have to find Light-kun." Mogi whispered. "We can't do this without you."

"I'll check the CCTV's" Ide said turning back to his computer.

L returned to his screen and scowled at the rising numbers. He doubted somehow that Light was the one writing these names; to be honest he knew that they hadn't solidified their relationship enough to keep Light from the temptation for long. But if Light could see B's name then why wasn't he writing it down yet? Was it all a farce? No…his eyes glazed over as he thought about how sweetly Light had arched into him how wide his eyes had gotten the first time L had taken him. L had suspected all along that Light would have never allowed someone to take him like that before him, but Light, and Kira had submitted to him in the end. It took a great deal of effort to have that sort of power over Light and B was threatening that. Things were still in a delicate stage. Light might simply be waiting to see if he would come for him, challenging him silently with some subconscious fear that L was just using him. Or he might turn to B. There was only the slightest barest of percentages- but it was there. B was a clone of himself, many of B's characteristics were modeled after him and unlike L, B agreed with Light-kun's assessment of a rotten world in need of purging. B would also worship Light appealing to his hubris. His mind filled with images and possibilities of B stealing Light away from him.

L lifted his thumb and bit down on the nail causing a loud click to sound through the air though he took no notice of it.

And then there was that…Kira was still Kira no matter what, there was an eighty-six percent possibility that Light-kun had told B to continue writing names as a means of distracting him, but L knew better than Light-kun just how difficult it was to work beside Kira and not be drawn to him distracted by him. He was L, he'd been focused on the case so he'd been able to deny himself, but B had no such qualms, he doubted that this would go for very long before he turned his attentions to Light-kun again. The very thought of him touching Light…

Chink!

L stared down at the shattered tea cup in his hands.

"L?" Mogi said hesitantly as Watari swept forward with a knowing look and held out a bag for him taking the mess away.

"We will find Light-kun in the next forty-eight hours." L said stiffly.

"Huh?! What that's crazy!" Ide said with wide eyes.

"I approximate that Light-kun will be able to distract B for approximately forty-eight hours. After that we can assume that B may become increasingly violent and physical." L said through his teeth. B might try to rape Light- and L wasn't going to let that happen, the mere mental image of it was enough to make him want to draw blood.

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"B, I need you to take me somewhere." Light said turning the page delicately. His focus however was hardly on the contents of the book. B's focus had been drawn to the death note once Light had made mention of it, and it had kept him going for a good ten hours, but B's focus was turning to him now from time to time and Light knew the look he was receiving.

"Anywhere Kira-sama." B said grinning widely. Light grit his teeth and prayed that L would never find out about this. He stood and strode to where B was brushing his knuckles against the sharp cheek bone. B gasped and leaned into the touch.

"So good for me Beyond." He muttered silkily before pulling away. "I need fresh clothes, preferably something appropriate for a nice restaurant, ah and my soaps and things, I'll need a shower." He said returning to his spot on the bed gracefully.

"Of course…" B's eyes looked glazed over in thought and Light had to swallow back the bile.

"You will need to bath and clothe yourself appropriately as well." He added belatedly. B cocked his head to the side before a slow grin spread across his lips.

"Is Kira-sama taking me out on a date?" He said looking eager at the prospect. Light smiled thinly.

"I have to meet with an old friend of mine but if you choose to believe that then I won't argue, I suppose you deserve a reward for working so hard after all…" He said lazily before picking up his book.

Come on L…hurry up and save me…

#%^T$%^#$%^#$%^#$%^#$%

"He's stopped killing." Ide said as the silence hung in the air.

"Yeah but which Kira?" Mogi said with a frown. "We don't know which Kira B is."

"Light-kun is up to something." L said softly.

"Huh?" Mogi frowned looking at L.

"B would not stop unless Light-kun is distracting him somehow and Light-kun is too smart to distract B without a very good reason. It is too soon…all too soon…which means that Light-kun is up to something, he is leading B along." L said with a frown.

"But how? Why?" Mogi asked.

"So that we can find him." Ide said with wide eyes. "Light-kun you clever kid!" He said excitedly.

"However this means that it is our turn to act, he cannot do this alone." L said scowling. "So what would Light-kun be doing? What excuse could he possibly have to drive B from his hiding place?" He mused. Those horrible images of skin and lips and teeth- of Light giving in to B returned full force. He pushed aside his cake and leaned towards the screen watching the numbers intently.

The hunt was on.

#$% #$% #$% #$% #$%

"You can watch." Light said when B followed him into the bathroom. "But don't touch." Light said mildly. B nodded his head rigorously and Light truly hoped that L had figured things out by now otherwise his teasing might get him hurt.

"No- I feel like playing a game- I want you to write twenty criminals names that begin with the letter…..hmmm." He managed to look thoughtful. "M" He said with a half laugh. "After that you can watch." He said sounding amused as B's eyes widened. Immediately the other man was pulling out a laptop and tapping away. Light undressed and turned on the water sighing as he stepped in. He had waited far too long for a shower, for someone like him cleanliness was paramount, but L had a perchance for distracting him when he wanted to bathe. He ignored B and tried to imagine that it was L sitting over there tapping away. A peaceful morning for them. He smiled faintly. He and L would have already bickered over his constant need to bathe and L's constant need to throw casual sexual innuendo while he was in the shower. That was how it had been when they were stuck together at the beginning of the case, L had been certain that there was something wrong with Light for not requesting the privacy to pleasure himself every so often. Light had always thought the activity boring and unsanitary. L countered that he could do it in the shower and therefore would be clean afterwards. Light had simply shrugged his shoulders and accused L of being a pervert, he hadn't known then just how _much _of a pervert L was.

Light turned slightly and reached for his shampoo only to freeze.

His hands were covered in blood.

No.

No!

He blinked and shook his head. When he opened them again his hands were clean. Trembling but clean. He let out a slow breath at the sudden urge to crush them, or cut them- the razor was right there just waiting for him to-

"Done!" B said his eyes wide as they watched Light hungrily. Light smirked feigning confidance and lifted his hands to scrub soap into his hair wincing slightly at the sore muscles in his back. What the hell? He shouldn't be feeling pain any more- unless B had hurt him even further than he'd noticed at first when kidnapping him. He shrugged off the ache and scrubbed his hair ignoring the wide obsessive eyes and wincing as the dull throb of pleasure that he'd felt when thinking of L seemed to dissipate under B's stare. He sighed and washed his hair trying to ignore that he was hallucinating while being watched by a legitimate mass murderer.

This was getting to be tedious.

#$% #$% #$% #$% #$%

"L…" Ide said sitting up straighter. But L had already seen.

"A pattern." L said quietly. "Something's happened to make Light try to manipulate B in such a way." He said aloud though in his head he was seething. Kira was teasing him.

"What is it?" Mogi said frowning.

"You think B is making him write in the death note again?" Ide said in horror. "Oh god…poor Light-kun." He whispered.

"He wouldn't touch the death note willingly." L said his nostrils flaring. No, Light-kun wouldn't, but Kira was a master manipulator wasn't he? Then another less pleasing thought came to mind. What if Light was scared, what if he was missing L and that was why he needed to do this? Light-kun would only use Kira if he was terrified, L knew, Light had truly changed and L had come to discover that Kira was brought on by Light's fear like a separate personality. Kira was what Light-kun wouldn't allow himself to be, he had witnessed first hand Light's breakdown when he'd finally admitted to L and to himself what and who he was. L relaxed back slightly at the thought.

Light-kun needed him.

And it was too early yet for him to decide to trust in L completely. L anticipated that it might take years of working with Light before Light ceased to fall back on Kira.

Fine…so only one harsh spanking.

Ten swats…no, twenty, like the number of names in the death note that he knew for sure were Light's doing, thirty of each letter. M…I…S-

"Misa-Misa!" He gasped out suddenly images of Light's bruised and burning bottom fleeing from his mind.

The others stood abruptly at the proclamation.


End file.
